"You can't eat it but it sustains you"

Late night blog times!!! YAY! It's so exciting for me to have ramble blabber mouth via typos and squinty eyes!! (by that I mean sleepy eyes. not asian ones.)

A couple of things to talk about.

First off, Happiness:
To be ridiculous I could say that I love to be happy (because I know all the rest of you despise it). But to be more coherent and less ri-cock-ulous I will say this: being out with friends, laughing and joking around and talking, actually talking, I feel more like myself. I feel like I'm remembering who I am and coming into my own and being the person I think I am. And that I'm grateful for that.

The upside to be a constantly pessimistic and oft times depressed whine-azoid, is that when I'm happy and truly happy, I know it, I let it run through every part of me. It's like stretching and blossoming, and I don't take it for granted for one second. I'm there and I'm present and I love life and I love my friends and I love myself.

and that's just great.

Second, Tattooooos:

In a flurry of online-ness, late night sleepy face searching, and perhaps a blur of strange deciscion making, I've decided that I need to get the tattoos I've been wanting for awhile asap. I think I want 3... And I'm just SO excited.

Here's the thing. there are a handful of writers that I think to first when I consider favorites. My favorites are my favorites because in some way or other I feel like reading them has utterly and undeniably changed my life. It sounds cheesy but I'm completely sincere. There have been times when the things I have been reading have ignited and inspired me, have helped me grow and walked along the same path as me, have pulled me through and saved me. So it's really important to me, picking which small tidbit, which meager bite of the literary sydney pie, I pick.

Here are the main life changers for me, I think: Gabriel Garcia marquez, pablo neruda, kurt vonnegut (an extreme favorite and incredibly loved but I'm debating whether or not he was a life changed or just an interest and hobby), Anais nin, and Isabel Allende.

I've already practically decided on a pablo neruda quote, "In secret, between the shadow and the soul" with a possible extended version of, "I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, / In secret, between the shadow and the soul."

there is the possible K.V. quote, "Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt." Which I like.

And I don't know if there are any good isabel allende quotes or if I'll ever be able to pick just one g.g.m. one.

Oh the choices, oh the permanence.

Ink'd

As some of you may remember, I was previously considering getting a tattoo of a quote of something that was important to me, I narrowed it down to something Pablo Neruda, Isabel Allende, or Gabriel Garcia Marquez because they're my all time favorite writers and I can sincerely say have changed my life. Not only have I gone to Chile and seen all of Pablo Neruda's houses, stalked down and met (and got an autograph from) Isabel Allende, but I've allowed their words to sink into my very soul. I also consider an Eels lyrics because to me they're just all time super classic Sydney. They've been my favorite band for years unwaveringly. I only had one CD when I went to Europe and it was the Eels, There are few bands that I could say I've listened to and memorized all of their cd's and enjoyed each song. Every one of their shows have been amazing and many of their lyrics are astonishingly wonderful to me.

So here is a small compilation of poems and one song that I am in the process of considering. I will make bold the quote (s) I'm considering.

Feedback appreciated!

Pablo Neruda - Sonnet XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul. ( in spanish: secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma. )



I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

Pablo Neruda - Come With Me

Come with me, I said, and no one knew
where, or how my pain throbbed,
no carnations or barcaroles for me,
only a wound that love had opened.

I said it again: Come with me, as if I were dying,
and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth
or the blood that rose into silence.
O Love, now we can forget the star that has such thorns! ( Spanish: Oh amor ahora olvidemos la estrella con espinas!)

That is why, when I heard your voice repeat
Come with me, it was as if you had let loose
the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine

that geysers flooding from deep in its vault;
in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again,
of blood and carnations, of rock & scald.

The Eels - The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight

i can't live in a world that you have left behind
seen a lot, been through too much
but this is where i draw the line


it's not where you're coming from
it's where you're going to
and i just wanna go with you
 
december is a lonely month
in a year of lonely days
it's hard to tell which way is up
or down or out
or through the haze

people cheat and people lie
while you just watch it all go by
counting days until you die

the stars shine in the sky tonight
like a path beyond the grave
when you wish upon that star
there's two of us you need to save

it's not where you're coming from
it's where you're going to
and i just wanna go with you


I've also decided that I want the tattoo in rather small letters in a font I have yet to pick on my upper back, half on my shoulder blade, more to the side than centered. It's hard to describe the spot but I could easily point it out...

 

Vendras Conmigo

I had this long entry typed out and it got deleted when my internet crashed... lammmeee...

 

But to reiterate in a nutshell:

 

I'm considering a new tattoo. A quote of sorts from any 3 of my favorite life altering authors or my favorite band the Eels. In the following weeks expect pictures of antcipated format and/or quotes i'm considering. I'd love feedback. If the quote is cheesy or sounds stupid, or isn't strong enough to stand on it's own outside of the overall context i've pulled it from. Even if you horribly disagree with it it'll really help me make my decision, such as, "Am I ready to defend and explain the meaning of this quote my entire life?"

 

To Begin:

 

"Love is so short, Forgetting is so long..."

 

I feel like this one is a little long but it continually intrigues me: "And one by one the nights between our seperated cities are joined to the night that unites us."

 

And this is by far one of my favorite poems and the place I've plagarized my blog title from:

 

Come with me, I said, and no one knew

where, or how my pain throbbed,

no carnations or barcaroles for me,

only a wound that love had opened.

I said it again: Come with me, as if I were dying,

and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth

or the blood that rose into the silence.

O Love, now we can forget the star that has such thorns!

 

That is why when I heard your voice repeat

Come with me, it was as if you had let loose

the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine

The geysers flooding from deep in its vault:

in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again,

of blood and carnations, of rock and scald.

From that I think I would pull "Come with me..." (like my blog title, kind of corny, I know). Any other suggestions?

 

 

On completely unrelated matters:

 

• Babysitting has been going well. I'll eventually post pictures.
• If you all thought my boyfriend was awesome when he got me signed first editions of my favorite books I think he may have topped himself with an all expense paid trip to Mexico. Leaving tomorrow.
• I think I've killed my bluetooth.
• And my basil is growing like crazy, my peppers are finally fully sprouting. Yay, growing plants is like presents every day.