Piece of Me

My birthday was good.
Halloween was low key... but I *did* get to sleep for 12 hours. which was like a slive of straight heaven.

Santa cruz is... alright. Ups and downs here and there. But generally tolerable. School is going ok, i think. Emphasis on think. 1 essay being returned tomorrow. and 2 midterms due next week. and so we'll know then whether school is going ok. or failingly bad.

My sky light room with all the sun is going... tolerable as well. Leaks around the house.

Never realized how bad my paranoia can be until I lived with other people and had no real comfort at hand. Silly things scare me, like small earthquakes, and the electricity going out for a second, and getting water in the middle of the night. I think at home, I find comfort or safety in being with my family. And Adam especially here. And in a house of strangers numbers count for nothing.

For me, being social and around other people, is a chore. It's a concerted effort. It gets tiring. And in normal old life, I had time to be alone and rest and not have to think about whether or not i'd talk, or smile, or have something to say. I'm just so socially awkward that I needed more "me" time than "everyone" time because it's so difficult for me. I mean, it isn't AWFUL. or like i'm losing sanity. But, it is something that affects me everyday I'm here and I can easily see wearing on me as time goes by.

A lot of readings to do. A lot of learning. I can honestly say that I've really learned a lot about various governmental and political institutions and policies in the first half of this quarter. I've also learned a lot about myself. And i've learned to question myself on a lot more subjects.

What is it that I would like in a president? From a government? What can I really do to fight for it? What are my beliefs and which am I willing to compromise on and which are worth pushing for? Is compromising selling out? Is total victory the only victory? What baby steps aren't backing down? What are my views on international relationships? I've always been the person to want to fully educate myself on a subject before really speaking out on it... And as of right now, i realize how uneducated I truly am. And how so many other people, who are spitting their opinions so vehemently, are even more uneducated than I. And that doesn't just go for people who I disagree with. Because so many people fight points that I agree with, but for unknown reasons or without any sort of research. And I disagree with that too.

Overall, there's just so much more to learn. and I feel so behind. But I'm so glad I'm on the right track.

other hands... Got the new Britney CD. And that poor girl makes me so sad. Because she's so... lost. and insane. and She's my best friend and I just want her to get better. And she has no real fan base anymore. and she's completely insane. and completely exploited for her insanity. Any other normal person gets to go through times of craziness alone. And she has nine quadrillion people laughing and pointing and calling her out on it. In teh famous words of my equally crazy friend, Chris Crocker, LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE. Her CD isn't bad, I don't think. And I've read the reviews saying that she's incredibly vauge and her voice thin and it's incredibly overproduced. But, what did everyone expect? This is Britney Spears, not charlotte church. Britney Spears became popular because she was some sort of fantasy ideal. She was moldable and young. SHe could be pulled and stretched to be whatever everyone wanted out of a star. The only real trouble came when she started wanting to be an actual person. And so her new CD is the same sort of manipulation and farce that exudes sex, dance, and "ownership" of ones sexuality. (more on that term at a future date). She's everything the media has forced her to be. and Ithink i'm rambling more often than usual. So that's that.