The Lone Wolf

On Mondays I usually blog of the weekend, but I thought I would hold off this time. I'll briefly outline now and will later add pictures and better stories. Hey, I should start having more of a point to each blog entry. a story. Hah, maybe one day.

This past weekend was so busy it barely felt like a weekend. My weeks are less hectic than the past 3 or 4 days have been.

Friday: Lunch with my mom, picking up my sister's glasses, meeting Andrea for studying, meeting Adam for dinner, picking up the bunny, and then a double dates of sorts. Watched 'Run Fatboy, Run." Home rather late

Saturday: we walked to the beach chalet for breakfast and then through golden gate park. Adam's dad's birthday party almost all day which included wiffle ball games, frisbee, and a lot of eating. Then to Japan town for a pathetic and unsuccessful attempt at catching the end of the cherry blossom festival. Dinner at japan town and then we called it an early night.

Sunday: Woke up a little late (around 10ish) to drive home, grab a couple of things and quickly eat some cereal. Then Keanu's birthday party in San Mateo. From there we went to my sister's house to pick up something they got for us (uhm, ninja swords, hello?), ice cream. Then back home for dinner and homework the ressssstttt of the night. 

Monday: Homework all day, picked up my little sister from school (was supposed to), and then an early dinner with Adam. The Eels show, awesome, like always. To Mel's for a late dinner. and then to Safeway for late night groceries. Complimented in the cheese section. Back to Adam's house.

Tuesday: Got too lazy and apathetic to go to school. It actually takes a lot of motivation. I felt the NEED to be there, but not the patience. Instead I did some serious cleaning of Adam's room. And then Conner and I met Adam for lunch near his school. Wolfgang puck sushi and some cookies, both of which weren't that great. And more homework.

Now, left to do this week? 

Well, on Thursday I have 1 of 5 papers due in my linguistics class, which I'm actually really worried about. I feel as if I don't grasp the material at all, and its actually a relatively new subject entirely for me. So it's the hardest jump in the ways of logic I'm used to. And then i have a presentation on Thursday early early morning on Fanon's "Black Skin, White Masks." Or, selected readings in it. It's actually a lot and I'm a little worried but hopefully it all pans out.

Reading Fanon has been incredibly interesting and even more confusing. At times he is ambiguous and others he touches on something very close to home for me. I would recommend him with some cautions to any interested in the formation of The Other and Black consciousness. Not that I agree with everything, or even anything he says. But it's interesting nonetheless. Especially "A feeling of inferiority? No, a feeling of nonexistence... I am guilty. I do not know of what, but i know that I am no good" (p.139 of the grove press publication). Through the readings I've been given in my classes I have been able to find the form of thought and the proper words that I didn't have the courage to form on my own in regards to my own situation. So, even if I do not agree with the main lines of any of the arguments I find I can take pieces here and there to form a more substantial version of what I truly believe in.

I'm really worried about school in general though. It was all really coming together until my stupid fuck advisor pretty much screwed me over. Those are really mature terms, I know. But the frustration and consequences of her actions really don't make for happy campers. Or undergrads.

Doing a Senior Thesis project is most definitely my number 1 choice. I'm generally not the kind of student that is so confident in my own knowledge and argumentation that I feel i can surpass what knowledge my professors have available to me. I most definitely learn better, and even think better, in the classroom environment. With assignments, and lectures, and discussions. And even if it isn't immediately apparent I feel that I keep it in store, i never forget it, and I allow it to brew within me. So one day i will be eloquent and prepared to make MY argument. But, if I have to do a Senior Thesis project thanks to my very inconsiderately negligent advisor I do think I'll be OK. I'm considering something along the lines of question liberalism, democracy, capitalism, Marxism, and even race theory and feminism as forms of thought that not only depend on inequalities but work to perpetuate them. And so, to for any social or governmental structure to truly find equality it can be none and all of these. Very vague now, and possibly ridiculous, but much more defined ideas to come eventually.

And then Hawaii on Friday!