I'm sorry I couldn't Be there. But I'm here now. And I am This. And I need you.... I can't. I'm too afraid. This Isn't Real

In strong dreams feelings are so much more overpowering and poignant.

I can't seem to bear it.

In my dream You were there, knocking on the door, looking for me. I wanted so badly to open it, but I knew if I did I was lose it all over again.

I listened to the knocking and slept on. and on. and on. And I should have never woken up.

I feel jarred into real reality. Would prefer to be in my own. Would prefer to be stuck in my own alternate universe.

If all the world is a stage, then my day to day life I am performing. And when I sleep I'm finally behind the wings, resting the act, remembering what it's like to be myself for myself.

I'm just tired, is all. I'm going crazy and I'm losing it because I'm tired. I'm always like this when encountered with extreme lack of sleep. I'm always like this when I start ignoring the fact that I need to sleep. I need some sleep. I need to sleep so I can wake up somehow less crazy, and somehow calm, and somehow rational.

I'm sick of the smell of cigarettes. I'm sick of the smell or perfume. I'm sick of the noise, I'm sick of the noise. I'm sick of the upkeep and the dissapointment. I'm just so tired.

And I dream too strong and so I'm not resting. But I'm so tired and I can't seem to sleep and I'm lost. I'm lost.

I've been quoting songs too much. Oh well.

I NEED SOME SLEEP
The Eels

I need some sleep
It can't go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss
Everyone says I'm getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I'm in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning 'round
Everyone says I'm getting' down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go