The New Year

First things first: The New Year.

I looked to old entries to see where I was last year. Apparently my car was broken down and I was trying to focus on the better more positive of life. I'm trying to think of how that's applied in the past year and I'm coming up blank. As usual, I have an approximately 3 month memory. Everything after that is "when did that happen? This year? or was that last year?"

I'm also blanking on a new year's resolution. I'm not like everyone else in thinking that resolutions are made to be broken. I'm not the type. I feel like if a resolution even had a small tiny affect on the year then it did it's job, that it was successful. If someone says they'll be healthier and they originally plan on working out 4 times a week and they do for a little while, but gradually it dims down to once or twice a week. Then I think, hey, you did for a little while and look! now it's once or twice a week when last year it was once or twice a month: IMPROVEMENT!

Last year my resolution was, "to stop looking so fucked up all the time." I think it worked. I mean, I still have my "never gonna care what I look like days," when there's not a smudge of makeup in sight, my hair is... frightening, i'm wearing boy pants and I'm dirtier than I'll care to admit. But most days now, I look at least a little more put together than I used to. I wear makeup for more than just special occassions, I blow dry or straighten my hair almost every time I shower, and I don't look so... dowdy as I did last year.

This year? I can't think of one. I make some sort of resolution every year. My new year isn't complete without it. Not to say that I'm beyond improvement, that I'm perfect and can't think of a flaw to fix, that isn't it at all. I'm flaw-full.

I think the bigger issue at hand is that lately I've been going through a bit of a self-esteem crisis. And by lately I might mean the last couple years of my life. Or maybe ever. Or maybe it's always been a problem and it's only just mattering to me now. But you can't very well resolve to just HAVE more confidence in one's own abilities. It has to be built. So I can't very well resolve to fix it. But that sounds SO un-fun as a resolution.

I've heard some good ones too. Things like to start experiencing what life has to offer or to give more or to be more available. But I want somethign entirely my own that sounds feasible to who I am and will add a little more fun to my life.

I guess, in writing all this I've worked through it. Maybe my resolution should be to start having a lot more fun in my life. And not just more fun but A LOT more fun. hmph. And that's that.

If you're having trouble, try this website, I thought it was pretty awesome.

Resolution Generator