How?

The question I'm left with, now that I have finally begun what might actually be considered wedding planning, is how do I begin to know where to start and/or how to choose?

While I have these sorts of thoughts about all sorts of things (invitations, ribbons, flowers, colors) I'm going to talk about the impending D.

The Dress.

My earliest memories of planning out my wedding dress are from 7th grade. I was like 11. It probably started earlier than that though.

I would walk to and from science class with my friend Logan probably ENDLESSLY boring him with talk of bell sleeves and velvet (I know, right, wtf?!). I even remember the feeling of being in a school hallway, everyone pushing past us, and holding out one arm, with the other brushing it along in that entirely feminine and girly way to signify how I wanted the sleeves to fall.

In my disgustingly ugly taste I probably wanted something that looked like this:

From there my tastes changed (thank god). I went through a Sailor Moon lookalike phase where I swore I wanted my dress to look like this:

I even remember drawing sketches my freshman year of high school to put into my binder. I won't even consider embaressing myself and putting the scans up.

And as I grew up I even started opposing the idea of marriage. I still wanted a dress.

I'd secretly buy wedding magazines and pull pages of dresses I liked. My dream dress is still this multi-layered tulle with assymetrical roses on the skirt ball gown. I'd never wear it but I'll never stop loving it. It was quite honestly my first love of an actual dress. It used to make my heart race.

So here I am. A girl that's whole-heartedly getting married with an approximately medium sized budget considering what to wear to my own wedding.

Now that push has come to shove I'm at a complete loss.

People buy several homes in a lifetime, several cars in a lifetime, more pairs of shoes than most can probably even count, but some people will only ever buy one wedding dress. And for those that aren't true believers in the marriage forever concept you can't very well argue that there will only ever be one first wedding. One first dress for one first wedding. I imagine it to be like a drug high, there's never any as good as the first. Or sex, as bumbling, embaressing, or horrible it is, the memory of your first time having sex will always be there.

One wedding dress.

One wedding dress on a moderate budget.

One wedding dress on a moderate budget that will satisfy over two decades of dreaming and fantasizing.

And I guess you can argue that it doesn't REALLY matter, and I see that it doesn't. I would happily agree to wearing a pantsuit or potato sack if it was the only way I could marry Adam. I know that Love is the most important aspect and the exciting prospect of spending the rest of my life with him. Really, I completely understand that. But... I mean... I only get to do this once. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

There's advice everywhere for "brides on a budget" that they are their groom should make a list of things that are most important to them for teh wedding so that way, as long as the top of the list is attended to, they won't feel like they're falling short. Or it isn't everything of their dreams. I'm a list maker, I practically did this before happening upon the advice. For me, in the scope of my whole life, the things that are and have always been most important to me about a wedding are:

1. The groom. He had to be my prince-charming, Mr. Darcy, Mr. SecretAgentMan, and so much more all tied into one.
2. The dress. Ah, the dress.
3. My family (my immediate, special, actually liked part of my family) being there with me, just as happy as me, just as happy for me, and beaming.

So, to sum up everything I've just said:

My dress is important. So how do I go about making such a big deciscion? I can't very well only be partially satisfied.

How do I find the dress of my dreams? Will I know the moment I put it on? Will it hit me suddenly and magnificently? Will it be a slow realization of a growing love and adoration?

I don't doubt that most dresses I try on will be beautiful, but will they be special enough? Will they be captivating? How do I finally commit, make the big jump, and after waiting and planning and hoping for so long pick just one dress?

Finding someone to marry may seem difficult enough but hell, there's all that time dating before hand. Dating is (obviously) like a marriage test-run. If they're no good you dump them, you find someone new and better and just a little more perfect. The same thing goes for homes and car and bad outfits. You have time to feel it out.

This dress? It's a move it or lose it type of deal. You get one shot. You don't have marriage test runs or dress rehearsals.

You have The Day, you have The Aisle, you have The One waiting there for you, seeing you for the first time in all of your weding day regalia. So picking and choosing The Dress is no small deal. I feel like on my wedding day I want to look like what I would look like in Perfect World.

How?