Talking about dreams and goals and my aspirations makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. Like just to speak it aloud to one person opens me up to the whole world for judgement. Currently I'm in the state that just one mal-judgement or unkind word could squash me forever. I'm fragile.
That being said, while browsing quotes I've run into this:
- George Elliot
(Picture by me)
I'm trying to apply this to my frame of mind, my daily life, and my very soul. I whisper it inside of myself to remember.
I feel like people that know what they want to do with their lives and have known for as long as they can remember have a luxury that I wasn't given.
The luxury of being sure of yourself. Secure in your talents and abilities.
To me, to know what you want to do and who you want to be, to spend your whole life sucking at it but continually fighting for it and continually pursuing it, while possibly a little foolish, is a life not wasted.
Not everyone is given that luxury.
The rest of us, sometimes, struggle all day every day to find some seed within themselves that they could nurture into a passion that will shade and protect them throughout their lives.
That's what I'm looking for right now. Sometimes I get down because I haven't found it yet. But I remind myself that it's better now than never. And better now than 5 years from now when I'm practically 30. And Hey, better I figure it out at 30 than at 40 or 50. And better 40 or 50 than at 70 when it's almost too late to do anythign about it. And it's better at 70 than to have never figured it out in my life at all.
I like to hear stories about people that found their passion late in life: writers, actors, world famous singers. It gives me hope. It inspires me. It reminds me that it's never too late to come into your own.
It's never too late to be what you might have been.
And if I could whole heartedly accept that (not just be inspired and hope for it) then maybe everything would turn out alright...
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