Science.
A conversation that will forever haunt me is when I told my parents for the first time that I don't believe in god.
They had previously thought I just didn't like going to church and didn't ascribe to their direct religion.
For those of you that don't know my parents, they're pretty devout catholics. I wouldn't call them hardcore in that they believe hardcore. They're no Born-Agains or Mormons or.... whatever else. But they do go to church every Sunday. My mom used to cook dinner for the priests like a favor to god. I think they were born into it and they just never bothered to question it. They're devoted. I think that's a good way to describe them.
I think they expected me to be the same way? Because I don't live the law-less, wild, and horribly god-less life like my brothers and because I don't preach around disrespecting god and calling religion stupid like most atheists, they just assumed I was like them. God-fearing.
So, as an act of anger, frustration, rebellion (just a little), and honest to god (haha) truth, I told them: I am an adult now. And I'm not going to church with you anymore. Not even holidays.
You see, as soon as I was old enough I stopped going with them every Sunday. I'd sleep in and absolutely love it. As I got into my teenage years they could begrudgingly drag me to Christmas, Easter, mother and fathers day, their birthdays, and a couple other random holidays here and there. The priest would call it being a CEO. Christmas Easter Only. I did it because it made them happier.
So, back to the story, I tell my mom I'm not going to church and she says, "But you still believe in god, right?" And it was posed as if it could only be positive. As if she were asking me, "You're still my daughter, right?" or "You still breathe, right?" or "You're still a human being and not some horrible monster....... right?"
When I said no it was like a small bomb exploded in their heads.
In unison my little bible-thumping little sister and father exclaimed, "How do you think you got here?!" No, wait, it was probably more like, "HOW DO YOU THINK YOU GOT HERE?!!!"
My dad roared from across the room, "SCIENCE?!?!?"
And then it was like a small bomb exploded in my head.
Despite the fact that I went on to explain that one doesn't have to be a god-believer to believe in being a good person and that I was still the same person other than the heathen part. I was shoo-ed away. They didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't the time. I could corrupt my little sister's little angel ears.
But my mind didn't stop reeling. I couldn't believe it! My parents were neanderthals! They didn't believe in evolution!????! They thought science was ridiculous?!!? How could I respect them if they couldn't very well take at least a little bit of knowledge into their god-packed brains?!?
And then I came to realize (slowly) that I was being just like them. So, like they did, I just let it go. It probably lingers in the back of their minds the way their anti-evolution stance lingers in the back of mine - with a little bit of shame and embarrassment but an overall "let's not talk about it" kind of acceptance.
The reason for all that very long intro was to discuss something entirely different: The Jesus Fish on cars. The Jesus Fish vs. The Darwin Fish.
The whole debate and debacle are really kind of cute when you think about it. I was driving to work today and I saw a little jesus fish that said "TRUTH" inside of it eating a darwin fish. I couldn't believe it. I googled it and apparently there are like a million alternatives: Darwin fish fucking jesus fish, dinosaurs eating one or the other fish, calvin and hobbes pissing on one or the other fish. The list is endless. But it got me thinking:
Am I zealot? Did I unquestioningly accept the theory of evolution as truth? I assumed it was right, melded it to my mind and heart, and didn't give it a second thought?
I mean, I was an A+ 110% biology student (really, I was, extra credit assignments and everything) in high school, but does that really count? I love science in a sometimes astounding way that made me heavily consider switching my major to bio when I was 19. I might be able to tell you more about alleles, genetics, the phylogenetic tree, and the general theory of evolution possible than the average bear, but, I'm no expert. I know there are objections to it, there are theories that contest it, but I don't really know what they are.
What if some other theory of how the world came to be appeals more to logic??
While thinking these things I found myself feeling scared and sad. Alone in a sea of uncertainty. Was I wrong? Is my entire life about to be turned upside down? People like to say that they don't have much invested in ways of thought. They are wrong. I have very much invested into everything I think. Was it all about to go to naught?
With a heavy heart I turned to my good friend: Wikipedia. Oh the ways in which she comforted me so. (For those of you who don't approve of the validity of wikipedia, I do know it shouldn't be taken TOO seriously, but they've done studies that show that there are the same percentage of errors in wikipedia as there are in any published encyclopedias. So it's mostly correct but, as with everything we read, shouldn't be regarded as absolute truth.)
I completely recommend the Wikipedia articles on evolution, the objections to evolution, and the PBS website on evolution. I particularly like the distinguishment and explanation of theory, fact, and proven, just as terms to understand.
I learned a lot more than I previously knew, I skimmed a bunch that I probably should have learned instead, but it comes down to this:
I can be secure in believing in evolution. It's no idiot's folie. I'm not being an ignorant zealot.
That's not to say that I think they're mutually exclusive beliefs, that you have to ascribe to one or the other and can never be reconciled. There are plenty of ways that people have happily married spirituality and evolution, science and the supernatural.
I just happy to have a little more back-up in my beliefs.
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