Wedding Rambles

It comes as no surprise to those of you that know me and those of you that read this blog that I've been pretty wedding obsessed almost my whole life.

I wasn't the kind of girl that married her barbies or made her teddy bears date. I was never boy crazy. Come middle school all my friends had crushes or boyfriend or broken hearts. Most of the time I lied and said I liked someone just to say it. I knew deep down that it was no crush. That I was faking it.

I even went through a phase insisting that I was an independant. That I'd never get married. That I'd never relinquish my modern day womanly rights for something so silly as a marriage.

And then I fell in love.



It happened early. It happened fast. And unlike a lot of other's first loves that happen early and fast, mine stayed. And come our 2 year dating mark the wedding itch began. And then around 3 years the weddingless problems began. At around 4 years, I was losing hope. At about 5, I resigned myself, happily to not getting married or being on the wedding track, as I called it.

Our 6 year anniversary came and went and a month or two later came the engagement.

Since I was 15 I've been sneakily buying wedding magazines. I've been pulling pages and putting them in little page protectors ever since then. Dresses mostly but also flowers and places. I couldn't wait for the day I could start planning a wedding!

It is finally here. And what am I? Not planning.

What was once a pressing need, a pressure, is now just something that I should worry about that I'd much not rather think about. I've had a person or two imply that this means I don't care. This isn't the case.

It's that I care so much that the wedding barely matters. I'm finally adult enough to realize that it isn't just the wedding I desired, but the marriage. Because the state of our relationship, to me, is so stable and good and.... enough, that I don't need to flaunt it. I don't feel the need for some big, huge, extravagant party when just a few beautiful moments alone can suffice. That and wedding planning is such a hassle! And for what? Miniscule details. I suddenly don't feel the need to stress out at the state of my cuticles for the wedding, or what music we'll play, or where we'll rent linens at. Thinking of my bridesmaids line-up doesn't send me into a panic. People go crazy over the most ridiculous things.

Maybe it's because I'm too realistic. I don't expect it to be the GREATEST day of my life EVER! I don't think it's going to meet all of my childhood dreams of fairy godmothers, no budget, and trumpets playing classic rock love songs. I hope it'll be a wonderful day. It'll be my only wedding so I don't want things to go wrong or badly or even mediocre. But why ruin every day up to a wedding with stress and anxiety for a "perfect" wedding? Prefect isn't possible. Absolutely wonderful is. That's what I'm aiming for.

We've even discussed pushing our wedding back an extra year to give us more time to save and him more time to graduate. I'm not even all that sad about it. It just makes sense.

Now that I finally have a wedding to plan my wedding obsession is nowhere to be found.