All I can do is Try

I find myself falling into this slump of... vegetation. I used to be the kind of person that never watched TV, if I did, it was only once a week. I read a lot, I crocheted, I had general hobbies. And if that wasn't enough I was out of the house socializing in one way or another at least 80% of the time.

But lately I find myself actually looking forward to going home and doing nothing. I smile as I run up the stairs and I feel comforted in the couch, with my laptop on my lap, watching TV.

I blame it on laziness, DVR, and a lack of what I call "every day" friends. Don't take offense in that, what I mean is, friends I see practically everyday and I'm so comfortable with I can be with them and do absolutely nothing. With most of "hangouts" there's a buffer, an activity or a specific reason we're hanging out. Not that one matters more than the other, just that friends used to take up a LOT of my time, but now it's more coordinated, purposeful, dates.

But I will say, thanks to DirectTV, I'm able to watch my oh-so-favorite Nelly Furtado in concert on TV. And I am enjoying this. I was a big fan of her pre-"Loose." Back when she was more folksy/lite-rockish. But contrary to a lot of her older fans I don't consider her a sell out.(But I do hate the song Promiscuous).

My favorite video in all the world:



I love the Days of Heaven references, story line, and visuals altogether. It makes me breathless.

On other hands: I went to all of my classes today, which is always an accomplishment of will power.

I began to think earlier today of a hopefully future date where I'll have no school. And I'll have a job (that's the hopefully part) and I'll work the normal 9 - 5 or whatever. And after 5 o'clock I'll have absolutely nothing to do... I can see why recent graduates say they actually kind of miss school. I don't doubt that I'll get easily bored and wistfully think of my educated days... And I know I'll miss the actual processs of learning. But maybe I shouldn't focus on that yuckier negative part and more on the fact that I'll have more time to cultivate my self.

I can remember the things that I like to do for fun, develop actual interests beyond finishing my next paper, and I won't be so exhausted all the time that I look at downtime as a luxury. Downtime will be a commonplace thing and maybe I'll learn how to be a different person. A person that does things I enjoy.

ALso a thing to note: this morning I heard a news thing that people who don't sleep well at night on a usual basis are 3 - 4 times more likely than a well-sleeping-person to be/feel dissatisfied with their lives.

Uhm, hello? Sydney, note to self: get more sleep. It could solve your persistent ennui and wistfulness.