I know I always start my blogs as if what I'm about to say is a new realization or sudden understanding or a secret that I'm letting you in on.

But hey, it's a blog. Isn't everything on a blog going to be an admission of some sort.



Anyways,

I'm going to admit something that is probably obvious to most of you.

I'm really, kind of lost.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know "who I am." I wasn't lucky like everyone else, because yeah, it's a lot of luck, to find and stumble on what should be my "niche."

Everything I've done so far, I've loved in it's own way. I don't regret the path I took at school because it taught me so much more about the world around me than could have been learned focusing only on physics or english or something like that. I went into my bachelor's-dom with the attitude of wanting to learn more about the world around me, wanting to understand more about the world around me, cause I've seen so many that are just so blind. I didn't want to be ignorant in such a wide, wide world. I don't regret that. I feel completely successful in that.

But then I apply it to my life and all the lessons I learned didn't teach me who I am.

But what all this was about, which I detracted from, because I always digress, is that I have a love hate relationship with all those "inspiring" picture message things. They're super in right now (in on the internet, of course). They're vauge and pretty, whimsical or super close up kinds of pictures and the internet has added in little messages that either dissappear into the sky or fade into the picture or match the tone that say stuff like, "We are only young once," or "Wanting to be something you're not is a waste of what you are," stuff like that. I love them because they appeal to my indie-semi-immature-interest in the pretty-whimsical- magical feeling inducing sort of aesthetic.

I hate them because it's too late to defend what I've already lost. I can't embrace who I am if I never had it to begin with.



(I know, what a whine-fest. Can you hear the violins?)