I hate you. I hate you because I can't help but love you. I hate you because how much you've hurt me. And how you never really cared about that. I hate that i have to question whether or not you used me for sex. I hate that I've always known what a coward you are. I hate all the sweet things i've. I hate how i allowed myself to be your cake. Allowed myself to feel the guilt i've felt.

I hate how i can't just shake it.

I want to be free. free again. free from the hurt. even the hope. I want to be free of the memories. free of the fear.

I want these years to dissappear. I want May to never come. I need to get away. get away from the me that can't help but love you. take care of you. forgive you. always give to you.

I hate and need to be free of the self accusation within me. I've been this person for so long and used it as excuse.

I need to leave that behind. but i don't know how.