I'll be struck by the urge to cry by whatever thought or event of the moment. And because I've been trained to not cry I immediately fight off crying. At the same time I want to cry so I begin forcing myself to.
In one expression I'm half making myself cry and I'm half trying really hard not to cry. No tears are flowing and I struggle to figure out which I should commit to.
Because I'm alone I usually decide to let myself cry. But then, try as I might, I've lost momentum and can't seem to muster it back enough. I realize the ridiculousness of trying to make myself cry and quickly change my subject of thought.
Strange and completely unnecessary to state yet here it is. Take it or leave it.
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