A Story of a Night

It's almost embarrassing how much quality time with the Stink makes me feel better. About pretty much anything.

We attempted to see 500 days of summer at the SFIFF but after standing in the rush line for a little over an hour we were turned away. It was almost worth it because we got to see Joseph Gordon Levitt. He was walking through the line with a camcorder asking people to speak about love. It was strangely cool...

I turned away. I find that even if I do find myself in a situation I could only dream I would come by, I let it pass. Every one of my chances to do anything slip by.

What would I say about love?

I'd say that I've been with Adam (previously referred to as "the stink") for over 5 years and I've learned a lot about what love does and doesn't mean. And sometimes the worst or the hardest part for me is dealing with people's judgments of long term relationships. I'm always afraid people will judge me. or us. Which is ridiculous, I know. But somehow, over time, it's been implied that people who stay together somehow love each other less. Or the love is forced. Or the love is suffocating. Or the love is... Bad. And the hardest part for is that I feel I have to prove that it just isn't so. That I'm not -- that we're not that kind of love.

It is the good kind of love. The real love. The hard love. The best love. I feel sorry for the people who can't understand that. That can't understand that love doesn't always have to hurt you. That you can see someone every day and love them just that much more every day. I pity people who can't imagine what it's like to be able to care more about another person than yourself but not have to worry that will take away from yourself because as much as you give the other person gives too. It isn't always take, take, take. It's give, give, give. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

I'm sick of Love's bad rep. I'm sick of the negative connotations. Like I'm sort of sickly dependent girl who can't stand on her own two feet or needs a guy's validation. Cause i don't. I'm not.

If you can't find any real flaws in a person do you throw it away? It seems so illogical.  I mean, he isn't perfect. I'm not perfect. We are not perfect. But why waste time being unhappy if you don't have to be?

Not all relationships or loves have to be on again - off again super turbulent heart breaking or dramatic love. You don't always need screaming and crying and yelling and he said-she said to know its real love. You don't need all that horrible mess and muss to be grateful for something. You don't always need to have it taken away to realize what you have.

Love can just be. It can simple always be there. And some days are bad days and you argue. And some days are good days and it's like the glorious golden light of the universe is shining down on you. And some days you're together all day while others you barely have the time. But it's there.

It isn't just love, it's trust that they love you just as much. It isn't just trust, it's faith that they'll always love you. It isn't just faith, it's hope that nothing will ever end it. And it isn't just hope, it's work every day to be a better person and to appreciate the goodness is other. And especially more than work it's happiness. It's happy to be sad with someone, happy to trust someone, happy to be faithful, happy to hope, and especially happy to work.

And I know its so cliche but from the bottom of my heart I know it's better to have loved and lost because I've known real love and I've known true fear and I've known pain. And I'd rather take all bad in the world any day as long as I had the memory that such glory, such beauty and such utter unadulterated astounding feelings can exist. And I won't be ashamed of that. And I won't feel guilty about that. And as sickeningly sweetly gross as it all is it's so damn sincere and heartfelt that I don't take any of it back.

And that's what I would say about Love. That's what I believe about Love. And missed chance or not, that's what I would have to say.