- I am Brown. Yes, this is at the top of the list. And to be completely honest I rarely even consider myself first asian or first filipino. First, I am brown. I haven't decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Growing up in a place that's predominantly caucasian, I don't hesitate to say that being so brown was... different. There were times that I would have given almost anything to be able to have pretty light hair or be able to consider myself "fair" skinned but I've grown up since then. I've had no choice but to learn to embrace and love the fact that I'm brown. I can't vouch for whether or not my color made my life any easier or harder but I can say it has defined in some way.
- I am a very habitual person. That is to say, once I've developed a habit it's a thousand times hard for me to break it and if something is outside of my norm it's hard for me to incorporate it as a new habit. This is one of the reasons I don't let myself dabble in drinking or drugs: once I'm there I'd let myself fall into it full force. Being habitual is a very fine line between beign a person prone to obsessions or addictions. This also applies to my relationships: I'm either all in or all out. When i have to quit a friend or a habit, it's like detox. I feel the entire spectrum of emotions swining from one to the other in seconds and barely scraping by, I have to drag myself out of it inch by inch, almost not escaping death.
- I was an English major. When it came to thinking about school, even though I graduated as a legal studies major, I'm much more like an english major in every sense of it. My first memories of being angry was anger at the fact that I couldn't read yet when I was 4. It isn't abnormal or surprising for me to stay up all night for weeks at a time if I'm interested in a series of books enough. I practically define myself by the books I read: classics because I can't come to grips with the everyday life of modern literature, magical realism because I'm such a dreamer that reality couldn't ever be enough, and love stories because I could never fall out of love with love.
- I'm from a pretty big family. And I feel like no one could ever truly know me until they know my family, if even only to see how we're all exactly the same (and all exactly opposites). My parents have been together for 32( 31? 33?) years and they've had kids like this: Sonny, (18 mos.) Grace, (2 yrs), Santiago, (6 yrs) Me, and then (12 yrs.) Emily. And to tell a little about all of them in just a couple of words. My mom was from the dirtiest, poorest part of some city or other in the philippines (so i've been told) and she's half crazy, half hilarious, and half super bad ass. I think we're too alike and it puts us at odds. All of our flaws are the same so we haven't yet managed to find a way to be close. My dad's family was so rich in the philippines that they owned a zoo and when his dad died he was willed PLANTATIONS. Both my parents come from pretty turbulent (and interesting) family backgrounds which I may get into at a future date. Both were in a gang as teenagers, had kids early, and are now super paranoid about pretty much anything that can harm. My brother Sonny is currently.... thirty.... something... 31? He's got 4 kids ranging in age from 14 to 4. He looks like a teddy bear, is a total goof ball to everyone but me and so far has proved hard to actually know. My sister Grace is the family member I'm closest to. Even though we're 8 years apart I like to think that a majority of our lives we've been best friends. She can be a little aggressive, a little obstinate, and occassionally a little scary, but she always means well. She's also the biggest scaredy cat in the world and owner of co-fraidy cat, Tsunami. Then there's my brother Santi, he's 2... 20.... 28? And he has a baby named Zoey who I babysat for a little while. We're currently in a fight in a big sort of way and I'll sum it up in saying that he's a really volatile kind of guy. He thinks he can make his own rules no matter what that implies: sometimes good and sometimes bad. And then there's my little sister, only 10. I'm babysitting her and trying to teach her how to be a kid. She's mostly really nervous, pretty lazy, way paranoid (direct from the parentals), but all around a good kid. I could get into my family for PAGES but I'll stop myself here, even though I've rambled for quite some time. I hate my family, sometimes I like my family, but there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it, They're one of the biggest parts of me.
- And for the long awaited number 5!!! What else is there to me? I guess I might as well admit I'm just a hardcore romantic. I love Love and I spend at least a little bit of time every day contemplating the meanings, boundaries, and stretches of love. I've come up with mor elove analogies and metaphors than anyone cares to know, I suck up love stories via book, tv, movies, and friends' lives like it were water. There's nothing I'm more excited to talk about than someone's recent fall into love, out of love, problems with love, or exaltations. I've got a pretty stable love life myself (5 years and going strong to number 6 in a couple of months) so when I say that I love love, I really mean it. I don't love flings or affairs or people cheating twenty million times. I don't care for half assed definitions of love. We're all allowed different takes or even mistakes but fake love is one thing and actual love is another. I opt for the second.
And so, that's me. For those of you that know me, was I right? Was I wrong? Do I have a really slanted perception of myself?
And what about you? I think everyone should do it. So world, What are 5 things that truly define you?
1 comment:
Okay I'm going to try and do this, but, it's going to take a lot of thinking and effort to come up with something that's... genuine? Damn you, Sydney. Damn you. Oh wait I already thought of one. Maybe this won't be so hard after all.
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