Saturday, August 18, 2007

The Thousand Night Pain

Problems. insecurities.

Sighs. a lot of them.

I smell like the party I just cake from: too muc smoke, cheap burgers, bowl after bowl, and being outside. But I old ladied out. Came home at 11. I'm not a good people person anyways. It makes my stomach hurt.

How do I say what I feel the need to say without sounding ridiculous?

I don't know how to let go of all the things that have hurt me at my most vulnerable times. I don't know how to stop it from continuing to hurt me.

I read about it in magazines. I think about it everyday. I allow it to change who I am, how I am perceived, and the choices I make in my life, the ways I react with people...

I distance myself from the people in my life because I feel they'll never understand all of it. And I clicg so desperately to the only one who knows even though we may not be right together anymore.

Why am I doing this? again? Why do I always?

old habits die hard. Some fears never do.

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