And Tonight...

I miss Batman. I miss Goldust. and Max and hell, even Bobby.

Most of all I miss you. I miss your dimples. I miss laughing. I miss playing. And hugging. and I miss the way you smell. I miss feeling breathless. I miss hearing "I love you" back.

I miss the way you'd wait for me. I miss having you in my bed. I miss you telling me what to do.

I miss your house. and your family. and the streets i had to turn on to get to your house.

I miss the way you talked to me. and the way you looked at things. I miss watching you draw and I miss the beauty in what you made.

I miss the smell of your room and the feel of your blankets. I miss the mornings we'd crawl in together.

I miss our sex. The sex i no longer remember.

I can't remember our last kiss. I guess people don't remember things like that because they think it'll be the last time. And then it just is. And it slips away and away and now i really have no clue.

You kissed the top of my head in the parking lot (the one where you first said i love you. the one we used to have sex in. the one where we cried so many times before. the one we smiled in so many times before) right before you left. And i think it made my heart hurt. But the last real kiss?

I remember that we didn't kiss the day i cried over lunch. Or the day we took a nap together. I can't remember what happened after that. It must have been when we had sex that one friday or tuesday or some day. January 13th. mayb elater, maybe sooner. That's the dayi cling to.

I don't remember what it's like...

i miss walking places with you. I miss the night with you. I miss your tv and your movies and i wonder of your house has changed at all.

I wonder if you've changed at all. Soetimes i think you'll coe back grown beyond me. You won't find me attractive anymore. interesting anymore. worthy anymore.

ANd i guess that's what i have to prepare for. and whatever comes is what i deserve for loving you. whether it be the worst or the best.

But i will say that I still wish I could go home to you everynight.

It's just gotten harder to dream.