I know what i want. I know what i need. I feel like my life is falling apart and there's a very immature part of me that does in fact, want to go get my razor, cry in a corner and make pretty patterns.

And then i'm glad i grew out of that. Yes, it's my first instinct at times like this, when it feels like everything is spinning out of control and my life is no longer mine. But i don't.

But i do know what i need:

my center.

I need you here wordless and understanding. Defensive and protective: of me. not yourself. Just like always.

I want that easy fit. i want that. i want that. I want the sound of you around me, your familiar smell.

But you're not here.

_______


I"m considering dropping a class or two. i'm like borderline breakdown at this point.