To my All

I'm sorry my hair never flowed in the wind. That i never wore colors that brought out my eyes. I'm sorry i was neither mesmerizing or intoxicating. I'm sorry i wasn't sweet voiced or sweet anything, really.

I'm sorry that i was no writer's cliche. Or artist's conception. I'm sorry i wasn't beautiful.

I don't think i've ever known how to be.

I'm sorry for never knowing my heritage but somehow bending back to the same weak willed woman role. I'm sorry for reading too much and never memorizing poetry. I'm sorry i couldn't paint or draw or smear my hands with colors and make something we could all call art.

I'm sorry that when it rained my hair never worked. that when i was happy i wasn't also pretty. I'm sorry storms were never romantic to me. That your heart never caught at sight of me. I'm sorry that i could never be model pretty. model thin. model clean.

I'm sorry i've never known how to be deep, dark, or jaded. I was only always complex. there's a difference. I'm sorry i never learned the difference between love and passion. intelligence and wisdom. I'm sorry i've never taken consequences into thought.

I'm sorry I don't look good in dresses. That i'm nothing romantic.

I think i'm even sorry that my hair was never lighter. That my skin was always brown. Because we all know that brown girls aren't beautiful.

I'm sorry i didn't even have pretty asian girl hair. Mine just frizzes. I didn't even have typical asian features.

I'm sorry i wasn't blonde and pretty. I'm sorry i was neither strong or delicate. I wasn't ever frail or well built.

I'm sorry if i never had a compatible sense of humor. Or i wasn't fun enough. or carefree enough or anything enough. When i tried i guess it all came out wrong.

I'm sorry i couldn't play any instrument or sing at all. I was never musically inclined.

I'm sorry i never wrote good poetry. or good stories. and always wished i could.

I'm sorry for wishing. i'm sorry for hoping. i'm sorry for everytime i made you feel like a dissapointment. you weren't. i'm sorry for claiming that i've worked so hard. i'm sorry for giving up.

I'm sorry for wanting you. or needing you.

I'm sorry my eyes never sparkled or twinkled or shone. that my smile didn't either. I don't have the ability to be rosy. or graceful. That being sad is confused with wishful. and thoughtful with angry.

I'm sorry i didn't laugh more. That i cried too much. that i was never comforting to hug.

I'm sorry that i've always been hard to fall in love with. But so easy out.







(I'm only half a body without your embrace.)