Unplayed Piano

I don't know why you never call. WHy i expect you to. Why i send emails. why i think of it all day long.

Are you angry? angry how quickly i've grown used to another boy's lips. How i can't remember how you and i used to be.

It's not the kissing i miss. Not the sex like i thought it would be. Maybe it isn't even the love. Because we've gone over and over what love meant to me.

It's the way you read me. Knew me. picked up all my signals and gave me what i needed. it's the easy body language. the comfort. the safety. The way my body could fit perfectly into yours and have that not taken out of context.

sometimes i miss the pain. the affirmation of reality.

I always thought you and i didn't have real conversations. I've only just realized it was only the sound of one anothers voice we needed.

Remember when i told you that really crappy shampoo analogy? If anything I hope we both learned that lesson.

Because sometimes i think back to all the times i could have kissed you. and didn't. The times i could have just let you love me. and didn't. all the time i wasted hating andhurting and pushing and pushing and pushing you away.

And now there's nothing left. no love. no sweet. no goodnight calls or reminders. there's nothing.

No matter what i do or how hard i try there's still only nothing. Not hope or wishing or faith could change it. Nothing.

Here is our lesson. Here is our regret.

strike that. here is my lesson. my regret.

I'm glad you've learned to live.







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PS i would have done anything for you. would have died for you. given my everything only and always to simply belong to you. you could have beaten, bruised, and branded me. if only itmeant i could prove how much i loved you. how yours i really was. Chained me, raped me, hidden me. As long as you kept me. as long as i loved you. 'tell it like you still believe the end of the centruy is a change for you and me.'