Of Shadows

The only thing that brings excitement to my life are as follows:

1. Netflix Movies
2. Tsunami
3. Hearing the faux bells at school
4. TV (Grey's and The Hills)
5. Books (allende and Garcia)

Things that should excite me but have become neutral parts of the everyday:
1. Love
2. Friendships
3. A future
4. Work
5. School
6. The weather
7. Talking, Laughing, fighting.
8. Music
9. righteousness
10. loneliness


And this is what I've come to and who I've become.

The weather has been nice lately.

I'm tired. borderline exhausted.

It's so hard to balance the back and forth between the future, reality, and the side worlds in which I lose myself.

Day to day I'm reminded of where I really am. And mourn the loss of my fantasies.


I don't want to go back to LA. I don't want to see the carpet and the walls and the elevator and the hallways. I don't want to be there again.

I've said my last goodbyes and going back feels like returning forever.

There are many things a woman must go through alone. No matter how much she needs companionship. No matter how much she feels she cannot.

Sometimes I am afraid that one of them is Love.

Thinking of past relationships I've been trying to organize what's happened and accept it. I've always been the type of person to love quickly and easily. To hate easily and quickly. Only years later can I really decipher what I was truly thinking and feeling. And how contrary I was acting.