Self

Things:

I feel so distracted and distant from myself. At the same time I feel artistically uninspired. There's something whimsical, magical, or hopeful lacking from everything right now.

I need to get more healthy. Excercise more often. I secretly believe that if i could get into the right sort of mind frame healthwise, everything else will shape up.

I've been doing really well with taking care of myself lately. I know it isn't something to be proud of, but i am, because too often i jsut let it all go.

I haev never been so proud of someone I've never met than when I read the part of Pablo's memoir of when he won the Nobel. I was beaming.

I also want to improve my posture, eating habits, and shopping tendancies.

I need more money.

I need to find a place to live. it's stressing me out. I need more time, love, inspiration.

I also really love Tsunami.

Welcome to a New Life

Dear Life,

I know I've only officially been to my school once. And I know I have no idea what classes are like or how the people are, or even what buildings are which... But I want to say...

Already, I love my new school. Everyone is super friendly (so far) and my advisor ACTUALLY helps me. And I mean... there was an extra transcript I was supposed to fax. That I didn't know I needed to until it was too late for it to matter. In my panic I called the advising office like 3 times. and faxed it over anyways. Then at orientation, my advisor ACTUALLY remembered it. She says "You called me yesterday, didn't you..." and I'm like "yes! I did!" she remembered my name and my voice apparently. I was quite impressed.

And then there is a lower division class that I couldn't get into because it was close close closed with a capital C. I was a little worried about trying to add cause I dont like leaving things till last minute like that but I figured I'd live. AND THEN, the next working day (this all happened on a saturday) my advisor straight up calls me and is like "i know you were trying to add this class. So I have a permission number for you." and she leaves it on my voicemail.

How incredibly ridiculously helpful and sweet is that? I feel like it's being spoiled... what after my community college career and all. thi sort of real college care absolutely astounds me.

And I love it. I even bought a shirt. I love it.

And I think back to going to school in LA and how much I dreaded it. And how much I hated it. And how the whole experience right from the very very start was more bitter than it was sweet. All the signs were foreboding and the clouds never cleared.

But this time? with this? it seems so much more promising. And i'm so much more emotionally and mentally ready for it. I'm ready. And i'm happy.

Things to be apprehensive about:

1. Finding a place to live
2. Living with a roommate
3. meeting new friends
4. Being apart from Adam

Things to be excited about:

1. Having a new place to live. (squeals. eeeep. yay. wooooo. giddy giddy)
2. . . . fixing (and hopefully not making worse) a friendship with aforementioned roommate (that's probably a glum feeling. more like)
3. Meeting new friends. :-D meeting new friends.
4. Growing stronger with Adam.

Right now? other than work-panic.... I'm actually pretty content. yay. yay. woot. yay. ahhhhh.

The Pros and Cons

Things I particularly enjoy:

1. When it's particularly foggy and cold and ugly. And then it clears up and is really nice when I get out of work
2. Flipping through magazines and leaving them open to a particular page or picture in the bathroom. So everyone else sees it.
3. Meticulously organizing 500+ pictures in a very particular order so when you flip through them, you go through a journey too.
4. Doggies. all of them. Wet, fat, lazy, hyper, fluffy, big, stray, black, white, wrinkly, slobbery, adventerous doggies. Particularly a little white chow named Tsunami aka My BFF.
5. Office bungles. Particularly when your sister pretends to pour water on your head... But the accidentally does it. And we all laugh in enjoyment.

Things I actually hate:

1. When people still things from my desk. like WHOLE boxes of cookies. It's actually pretty fucked up.
2. When some lady in a red car doesn't actually check her blind spot and runs you off the road screaming in fear.
3. School provided email addresses that don't actually work and actually very difficult. With a lot, a LOT, of spam.
4. When you get yelled at for work for things that have nothing to do with you. And you secretly wish you could punch your DadBoss in the face. But you actually can't.
5. When you're actually full blown hungry all day long. even after breakfast. and lunch. and 2 snacktimes.

Revolution

Well Yuck, Yuck, yuck.

I'm so sick of dark colors, mixed messages, and being a whiny baby.

From now on, only all of the following:

• Vacation
• Summer
• Beaches
• Learning how not to be motion sick
• fun times
• dinner parties
• cool bracelets, Pablo hats, and dressing cooler
• more arts and crafts (in honor of summer)

And just a sunshineyer happier blog. As in a blog the way I live my life.

And in that spirit:

Ode to Chile

Chile, you long skinny country, you.
you're so awesome.
I know this now,
I've seen you.

I bought a lot of things from Chile
A horse, giraffe, two birds, and a mirror.

I learned a lot of Spanish in Chile
like Huesitos, Chingasos, and Frutilla.

Every day but one or two
I took Siestas.
America is so gypped without them.

I felt like the only Asian American girl in the world
in the deep inner belly of Chile.

Oh, Chile,
Home of my life heroes
Isabel and Pablo.
If you could teach me your lyrical
busy ways
ruled by the Andes, Ocean, and Heavy political history.

Home of Military coups,
overpowering imperialism euphemistically called colonialism,
Communist sentiments,
and half a million stray dogs.

I've come to love you,
Chile.

You took away my sense
of smell and taste.
Even muffled my hearing.
literally.

I will wait for the day
to prove my love.