The Good

Weekend:

• Friday: Work and then babysitting Zoey. It's one thing that she's incredibly sweet, and cute, and teeny tiny... But I'm also her favorite. Crazy cuteness. Diaper changing and bottle feeding. Then at like 12:30 am Adam picked up jenna for me and then from SM we went to HMB for sleeps.
• Saturday: Dance class (the building was SO nice!), to adams work while he cleans his desk, back to his place to pick up my car, then carted my cousin to Santa Cruz to visit her dad, ended up hanging out with them for a little while (bowling, yech). Home then shower, sleep, dinner, and Wall-E. It was cute, had a meaning, laden with Apple montages, and didn't talk too much. Oh, then a dog walk. (what a long day.)
• Sunday: Nothing but lazy until around 3. Then lunch (L&L) and shopping (didn't buy anything, just walked around some stores). Another dog walk Hung out with Grace and Vicky, dinner at some mediocre noodle house.

Super tired today, had a busy weekend... Does anyone have any suggestions for active wear? I want a sports bra, gym bag, and some other odds and ends that are cute and not frumpy, not to itchyfying, and not too expensive. Oh, and for the sports bra I don't want it to show my nipples (call me a prude but I will insist the job of a bra is to conceal the nipplage). Its so hard to shop for anything on the internet sometimes... There's just so much everywhere, where do we begin? There are certain websites that I go to by default, but when they fail me, i'm left with google, luck, and frustration.

Things I've been meaning to talk about but probably will never get around to:

1. Dance Class
2. rekindling old friendships, hot or not?
3. My never ending hives and health problems
4. My lack of inspiration in life right now and the search for it
5. More on my search for the perfect bra
6. Work, family, and the never ending headache
7. Cancer, the future, and the frightening prospects of growing up
8. Lack of school
9. The job hunt (or lack thereof)
10. How I have the greatest boyfriend in the world. (cheesy but horribly true, as evidenced by this weekend, the past four years, and every day life)

The Things I Carry

So, I once saw a website where you would scan or take a picture of everything in your pockets or your purse (depending on if you carried a purse or stuffed everything in your pockets).

I admit, I'm not much of a purse girl, never have been. But the convenience of having one outweighed the convenience of carrying one. As you can see from the plethora of crap that I carry around with me every day, it pretty much saves my pockets from bursting.

1. Sunglasses (From GUESS in case)



2. Headphones (wrapped and on holder pouch)



3. Bluetooth headset, charger, and case



4. Box of bobby pins



5. Hair brush



6. Car key (on the left)



7. Thumb Drive (4gb)



8. Red Nintendo DS



9. Small shell from when I went camping like 4 months ago



10. Black Ipod (hand me down, 80gb)



11. Makeup:
    Chapstick/lipgloss
    Eyeshadow (Stila, 3 shades of brown)
    Lipgloss stick/wand/brush thing (Stila’s Cherry Crush – doesn’t taste like cherries)
    Eyeshadow brush
    2 eyeliners (MAC and Stila)



12. Claritin (for the hives)



13. Pad



14. Cards:
    License
    Sephora Card
    Library Card



15. Debit Card and ghetto checkbook (all receipts paper clipped and calculated balance on each one, attached to my card)



16. Blue Pouch (for organizing)



17. Blue flower wallet (with many more credit cards and gift certificates inside)



18. House keys, which include but not limited to:
    Hand sanitizer
    Antique Angel Key (present, matches with Adam’s keys)
    Heart Lock (have had since sophomore year of HS)
    Heart Penny (present from sister, have had since before I could drive)
    Darth Vader keychain (Adam has the storm trooper)
    Small LED flashlight (for emergencies
    Small Borders Card
    Multitude of house keys (Grace, Adam, Home, Post office…)



19. $6.62



20. Some miscellaneous Green thing that I don’t know what it is or what its for

But I will say that I don't carry ALL of this with me EVERY day. I usually keep my DS, IPod, House Keys, and Brush in my car. And I usually keep all makeup except chapstick at home. But other than that, that's whats with me everyday! (plus my Blackberry with huge pony phone charm)

Does it tell more about my personality than I think? What it tells, is it right about who I am?

Thursdays

I complain via blog too often. It's cause i don't want to bug anyone or burden anyone

with my frivilous complaints.

What better place and/or friend than a blog? No one reads this but me, I can vent all I want without having to listen in the future, and I don't even get judged. (well, i might, but that's beyond the point).

wah wah wah.

I hate my job, I hate where I live, I hate that I allow myself to get so bored and depressed.

Jump Rope and crunches last night, monday I rode the bike machine as well as stretches and crunches.

Maybe I'll go running tonight?

Dance class on Saturday, scared and excited.

Newsweek, as well as having McCain's wife on the cover, has a small section saying that blogs are therapeutic.

And possibly that bloggers are generally happier than non-bloggers.

Hah.

But back to McCain's wife.... Do you think that this election the candidates wives matter more because of Hilary Clinton? Each side wants to make us feel like they know that women matter, just take a look at these important women in their lives? Is it because in the past President's wives have come to the forefront to play with the big boys (a la the clintons)? But should wives really matter when it comes to politics? What role does and/or should a spouse have in policy making or country running? Does this mean, that now, in effect, we are no longer voting simply for a candidate or a party, or even a religion as its come to be occassionally, or a set of moralities...

Are we voting for an entire family? The clinton's family, what with the marital scandals hyped up, and following Chelsea through colleges (and in the elections insults hurled to her as well). The Bushes, with the father son legacy, his daughters marriages, the crazy party twins in the tabloids (what's bush's wife's name? does she matter? What does she do? nothing?).

And now we have Obama's mother and wife being constantly quoted (to cater to the feminist demographic, I assume). And McCain's wife as well.

Should we no longer be looking for the next American presidents but the next American family?

This is My Life

This is going to sound a little stupid but...



The older I get the more embaressed I am of my unhealthy habits.

Freedom

I am waiting and looking for something to inspire me...

Maybe waiting isn't the right thing to do. And maybe I'm looking in all of the wrong places.

I think I want to feel free again. Like the world is rushing through me and it won't ever stop.

I want to alive.

It's summer, and maybe I go through this every year... But I want to feel somehow invigorated.

This past year I've dealt with a LOT of health problems, moving, a new school, losing old friends (and parts of myself), finding new friends, rekindling lost ones, settling into an old life with a new me, discovering myself, discovering my voice, and adjusting to life as a "more-grown-up." It's been a lot of work, nothing was easy.

Everything has quieted down for the moment, and all I desire is to be free...

Tropic Thunder

Uhm....

First of all: Go watch the trailed for Tropic Thunder. Look it up on youtube or something...

Then go humor me and google "Blackface."

I'm relatively super tired, the sun wears me down (how fucking wonderful has this heat wave been? ok, so like borderline cool and sometimes horrible. But you can't blame me for lovin' the sunshine). But I digress... Because I'm so tired let me put this in list form.

I will be referring to this article off and on: http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20182058,00.html

1. First of all (and my first reaction upon seeing the trailer) Uhm... whhhaatt?????
2. Please let me know if I'm getting this right... Robert Downy Jr is playing the role of a black man in order to... what?... Be politically correct?!
3. And... They couldn't make the character white? And the black actor dropped out? So they thought, "don't worry, lets paint a white guy?"
4. Was I the only one in the theater who remembers the racism of our country's history (I'll ballpark it and say the mid 1800's) where white people would paint their faces black and put on little shows for white people. And at the shows they'd prance around and pretend to be Black, acting like idiots, not knowing how to talk English properly, and singing silly songs? I know we didn't learn much about it in my high school but I'm pretty sure its a pretty big representation to the very prevalent racism in America at the time.
5. In discussion I compared this with joking with the symbol of a noose or a burning cross in someones yard. I was told that it was far too extreme of a comparison and I was being ridiculous. And I know that it WAS very different to be made fun of and to be threatened. But I would like to clarify that the products of Blackface Minstrels is still present today and the image of this sort of black man has damaged general public view in a very important way. People are STILL trying to break the stereotypes established in those "funny" little shows! There was and continues to be a very strong emotional, psychological, and representational violence here. And that violence cannot be ignored.
6. The EW articles states, "And then there's that little issue of a white guy playing a black guy. Stiller says that he and Downey always stayed focused on the fact that they were skewering insufferable actors, not African-Americans." So... This means... In a nutshell, because they were focused on making fun of one kind of person everyone else doesn't matter? Because they were poking around at actors, and that's what they WANTED, they shouldn't care about implications and other side effects? Does that mean, if I intend to slap my friend and instead slap a stranger I shouldn't worry about the consequences? Does that mean, with their same line of thinking, that we shouldn't be accountable or responsible for the unintended harms we do onto others? And to take it the opposite direction, for instance, if I was playing a game of chess and I meant to take a pawn and inadvertently got a check mate. It wasn't my intention to do so well, so should I not claim it? Would I throw it aside and say "wait, that was an accident, let me go back so I can lose it?" I think most of us wouldn't. If there are unintended POSITIVE consequences then we take them without questioning. The negative ones we will also take, sometimes hesitatingly, because we know we deserve them. Just because the MAIN intent was making fun of actors and not for them to injure the image of any individual Black American, it doesn't mean it's OK. It doesn't mean they're somehow free from any criticism.
7. It's generally held that if anyone says "No offense but..." or "I don't intend to offend you but..." it means they're about to say something pretty goddamned rude. And they KNOW it. And they think their little precursory warning excuses it. People think it means they aren't rude, just what they're about to say is. "No offense but you're gaining SO much weight" or "I don't mean to offend you but I think you're SO Asian." This just in: It *is* rude, it *isn't* excusable, and it's *not* OK.
8. Article also states, "He recently screened a rough cut of the film and it scored high with African-Americans. He was relieved at the reaction. ''It seems people really embrace it,'' he says." Because it receives general approval of a SMALL demographic of people doesn't mean it can be accepted as OK. First of all, I'd like to state, that how many people, whether black or white or yellow, red, blue, or brown have truly taken the time to educate themselves about race politics? How many of those who watched the screening or the American public in general have CRITICALLY looked at ANY piece of media to point out the perpetuation of cruel stereotypes? How many have had the good grace, luck, and ability to truly educate themselves about challenging the institutions that we find ourselves in and the patriarchal, racist, heteronormative system we find ourselves in? I can easily say, very few. And this part is harder for me to explain cause I'm still in the process of learning it and it has taken hours of reading, discussion, lectures, and deep-rooted, life changing thinking to begin to comprehend it, and it may be really controversial. But, when life gives a person a role, a status, a way TO BE... It is very hard to break out of it. If a people have been suppressed for generations and generations with violence, bias, laws, and public opinion: many of that people will begin to follow suit. I don't know if you've heard about or read the sociological study they did I don't know when... Where they gave a bunch of little girls dolls. And the black girls preferred the white dolls. It was this study that helped break down the idea that segregated schools weren't a good idea. Because it showed that there was some sort of psychological impression being made on so young of children that what they were: black, wasn't as good, wasn't as pretty, wasn't as desirable. I feel like all of this general line of thinking is something like the approval of this movie. The public has been very strongly been told how to act, how to think, and how to form the conceptions they have of a certain kind of people. Rather than go through the hardship and discomfort of questioning what's going on and the implications, it's much easier and happier and acceptable to just laugh along with everyone else. This is possibly the most long term damaging effect.
9. Of course, we can bring up the racism and stereotypes of ALL kinds of people in the media: Gays, women, whites, blacks, Asians, native Americans, and any whosits, whatsits you can possibly think up that differentiates people. It's in video games (see Jake or Danielle), movies, magazines, advertisements, TV shows, and even the much beloved novel. You can go barely anywhere and escape some form or other of prejudice. Because we are inundated with it, and are powerless to stop it doesn't mean we shouldn't continue fighting it. Because we know one day we might die doesn't mean we shouldn't live. Because love ends doesn't mean we shouldn't fall. There's the possibility that this fight is a losing one, but for the sake of the future, for the sake of humanity, for the sake of the present, and even for the sake of the past: we must continue fighting. We have to attempt to question and criticize and sometimes outright reject the things we see that perpetuate such unfair harmful thinking. The first step to victory is realizing there's a fight at all, it's opening your eyes to see the battlefield before you.
10. I've gotten VERY far off topic
11. But I supposed it's the actual topic I've been meaning all along.
12. We cannot say we are anywhere near free from racism when we along something like a comedy movie portray and continue something that is so awful.
13. All of this is, granted, and perhaps unfairly assumed, without seeing the movie yet. I reject it on pure principles. There's a SMALL chance that it could be taken a completely different direction than I anticipate. And the entire 2 hours of the movie will be spent deconstructing the meaning of Blackface minstrels and the legacy we are left with today. Hey, Robert Downey Jr. could end up being an upstanding black citizen of America that proves all stereotypes very wrong. I somehow doubt that.
14. And believe me, I do understand that it's a comedy and they ARE doing more than making fun of African-Americans. They're making fun of Americans, Vietnamese, film makers, movie stars, and even the audience watching. I know that maybe I need to lighten up, its just a joke...
15. But I never know, when has a joke crossed the line? When is something downright inappropriate? Maybe you can fill me in. Cause I think I'm missin' it...

Tsunami Beach Day!

I can't even begin to explain how much I love this dog.

Sundays

Sometimes things get a little... muddled.

Like a Duck

Almost done with school for the last time this calendar year.

Can't seem to get any work done. EVen though finals are horribly pressing and time is dwindling away.

Dog sitting this weekend for James Bond. Washed the car.

Dealing with life.

What a bummer...