Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

Created by OnePlusYou

Things I miss about Summer

1. Sun shine shine shine
2. The lightweight free feeling
3. Sunglasses

4. Not having to worry about anyone in school
5. Sunny day music
6. that sunny day feeling
7. skirts

8. shorts
9. Not needing a coat
10. dresses
11. oh, the dresses.
12. Picnics
13. Sundays

14. The road
15. The movies
16. The singing
17. summer love
18. summer change

19. summer fresh
20. Feeling like the whole world is there for the taking
21. Feeling like the whole world is rejoicing

22. Feeling like it's summer summer summer in my very soul

The Facts of Life

Ok, so I admit it I don't have a very expressive face. Too bad.

Retractions

My last resolution to "have more fun" was overwhelmingly lame in a serious sort of way.

In fact, i'm embaressed to have even posted it.

I need a new one. It's gotta be cool or at least worthwhile.

So as of now, in the new year I'm functioning resolutionless. We'll see how it goes. Also, I firmly believe that I can make my resolution anytime within the first quarter of the year.

Love unusually difficult to consistently define

I find myself in the same sort of emotion cycles constantly. The one of the week?

I'm pining for some sort of romance. A really good book. A really good movie. Something to make my heart skip a beat and my breath to catch. Something that makes my chest ache just a little.

I want to listen to the best love songs while watching love movies and reading love books. I want them all to have a happy ending and for each one to be absolutely lovely and delicate and wonderful.

I even wikipedia-ed Love. I laugh at myself.

When you're at the mercy of your own brain's whims, pains, throbs and aches the only thing I can muster is, "why is this happening? What did I do?"

I feel some sort of mild hopelessness being victim to my own body. The swelling and burning and itching of the hives. The bruised feeling all over my body, not being able to move the itching is so intense.

And now migraines? This is the first time it hasn't been able to be "slept off" but it doesn't mean it's the first time. I can easily say I've had at least 5 in the last month.

Is it stress? Is it some unknown allergy? Or is whatever has plagued me the past three years only intensifying?

Why is this happening to me? What have I done?

The New Year

First things first: The New Year.

I looked to old entries to see where I was last year. Apparently my car was broken down and I was trying to focus on the better more positive of life. I'm trying to think of how that's applied in the past year and I'm coming up blank. As usual, I have an approximately 3 month memory. Everything after that is "when did that happen? This year? or was that last year?"

I'm also blanking on a new year's resolution. I'm not like everyone else in thinking that resolutions are made to be broken. I'm not the type. I feel like if a resolution even had a small tiny affect on the year then it did it's job, that it was successful. If someone says they'll be healthier and they originally plan on working out 4 times a week and they do for a little while, but gradually it dims down to once or twice a week. Then I think, hey, you did for a little while and look! now it's once or twice a week when last year it was once or twice a month: IMPROVEMENT!

Last year my resolution was, "to stop looking so fucked up all the time." I think it worked. I mean, I still have my "never gonna care what I look like days," when there's not a smudge of makeup in sight, my hair is... frightening, i'm wearing boy pants and I'm dirtier than I'll care to admit. But most days now, I look at least a little more put together than I used to. I wear makeup for more than just special occassions, I blow dry or straighten my hair almost every time I shower, and I don't look so... dowdy as I did last year.

This year? I can't think of one. I make some sort of resolution every year. My new year isn't complete without it. Not to say that I'm beyond improvement, that I'm perfect and can't think of a flaw to fix, that isn't it at all. I'm flaw-full.

I think the bigger issue at hand is that lately I've been going through a bit of a self-esteem crisis. And by lately I might mean the last couple years of my life. Or maybe ever. Or maybe it's always been a problem and it's only just mattering to me now. But you can't very well resolve to just HAVE more confidence in one's own abilities. It has to be built. So I can't very well resolve to fix it. But that sounds SO un-fun as a resolution.

I've heard some good ones too. Things like to start experiencing what life has to offer or to give more or to be more available. But I want somethign entirely my own that sounds feasible to who I am and will add a little more fun to my life.

I guess, in writing all this I've worked through it. Maybe my resolution should be to start having a lot more fun in my life. And not just more fun but A LOT more fun. hmph. And that's that.

If you're having trouble, try this website, I thought it was pretty awesome.

Resolution Generator

Time Please Fly

Created by OnePlusYou