Enclosed

Sometimes I feel like I live in just... An ugly world.

Everything is grey and cemeteries and ugly building, and claustrophobic cubicles. My every day is fog and banks and drab ugly parking lots and completely lifeless, colorless, bland buildings.

I feel like I exist in a place where there's no beauty.

The Week

I originally intended to write about how excited I am for film development and self processing.

Last night I processed my first roll of film (chemicals and pitch black claustrophobic room and all!) It was terribly exciting and all morning long it's been the only thing I could think of.

It feel goood.

My own personal little pharmacy

If I don't have this with me at any given moment I'm probably a little stressed and anxious.

I have:

Zyrtec (cetirizine) : my H1 blocker
Zantac (ranitidine) : my H2 blocker (normal people take this one for stomach problems. )
Singulair (Montelukast) : my leukotriene blocker (normal people use this for asthma)
And a couple of Tylenol cause I've been getting a lot of headaches lately.

I've also been on: claritin, allegra, and pepcid. All for my hives. So far this seems to be the best combo of meds, although I admit I double up on the zyrtec occassionally.
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Jitters

I could be wrong, but I suspect that I react to "First Day of School" with a little more anxiety than the normal person.

On the Horizon

I'm working on a couple of new projects. Stay tuned.

In the mean time, I keep forgetting to post about my weekends. (for those of you that are interested)

I'm a Girl of Obsessions

Things that I'm constantly obsessed with, talking about, or grossing other people out with:

• Really horribly gruesome murder, rape, kidnap, or attack stories. This also includes drugs gone awry and devolved into the murder, rape, kidnap or attacks.
• Strange illnesses or life threatening conditions. This includes brain worms, pretty much any parasite, or really rare and debilitating diseases.
• Dogs, puppies, and determining their breeds. I'm actually pretty good at it.
• Cameras, buying cameras, and my unending needing for film monies.
• Musicals of most types but not musicals or all types.
• Odd history factoids. I have this bad habit of being kind of schools-y. I constantly want to talk about useless school like useless knowledge that no one cares about. When people embrace this part of me, I know we're friends.When people make me feel strange, awkward, and nerdy for this.... I feel strange, awkward and nerdy.

And that's pretty much just it!

Wedding Rambles

It comes as no surprise to those of you that know me and those of you that read this blog that I've been pretty wedding obsessed almost my whole life.

I wasn't the kind of girl that married her barbies or made her teddy bears date. I was never boy crazy. Come middle school all my friends had crushes or boyfriend or broken hearts. Most of the time I lied and said I liked someone just to say it. I knew deep down that it was no crush. That I was faking it.

I even went through a phase insisting that I was an independant. That I'd never get married. That I'd never relinquish my modern day womanly rights for something so silly as a marriage.

And then I fell in love.

Monday Morning

Strawberry cupcake from San Francisco's best That Takes The Cake, light on the frosting -- breakfast of champions.
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Shop Shop Shop

Last night, after bit of didn't-get-to-go-shopping blues, I satiated my need for some retail therapy via internet sales.

How Do I Think I Got Here?

Science.

A conversation that will forever haunt me is when I told my parents for the first time that I don't believe in god.

They had previously thought I just didn't like going to church and didn't ascribe to their direct religion.

For those of you that don't know my parents, they're pretty devout catholics. I wouldn't call them hardcore in that they believe hardcore. They're no Born-Agains or Mormons or.... whatever else. But they do go to church every Sunday. My mom used to cook dinner for the priests like a favor to god. I think they were born into it and they just never bothered to question it. They're devoted. I think that's a good way to describe them.

I think they expected me to be the same way? Because I don't live the law-less, wild, and horribly god-less life like my brothers and because I don't preach around disrespecting god and calling religion stupid like most atheists, they just assumed I was like them. God-fearing.

So, as an act of anger, frustration, rebellion (just a little), and honest to god (haha) truth, I told them: I am an adult now. And I'm not going to church with you anymore. Not even holidays.

You see, as soon as I was old enough I stopped going with them every Sunday. I'd sleep in and absolutely love it. As I got into my teenage years they could begrudgingly drag me to Christmas, Easter, mother and fathers day, their birthdays, and a couple other random holidays here and there. The priest would call it being a CEO. Christmas Easter Only. I did it because it made them happier.

So, back to the story, I tell my mom I'm not going to church and she says, "But you still believe in god, right?" And it was posed as if it could only be positive. As if she were asking me, "You're still my daughter, right?" or "You still breathe, right?" or "You're still a human being and not some horrible monster....... right?"

When I said no it was like a small bomb exploded in their heads.

In unison my little bible-thumping little sister and father exclaimed, "How do you think you got here?!" No, wait, it was probably more like, "HOW DO YOU THINK YOU GOT HERE?!!!"

My dad roared from across the room, "SCIENCE?!?!?"

And then it was like a small bomb exploded in my head.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury

I like to entertain myself by taking those REALLY horrible MySpace-esque surveys. Really, I do. There's nothing I love more in the world.

But they're a little out-dated.

I also love to entertain the thought that I will one day be on the jury of a high profile crime case. Something about a murder or better yet, serial murdering.

Imagine my excitement when I see on The SFist a list of questions they're asking potential jurors for the BART killing trial. (In case you want to know the whole story it's here. )

I couldn't be happier.