Have you ever felt like it was possible that your life was nothing more than a series of bad luck or small scale catastrophes? Possibly leading to a large unavoidable one? My life is currently snowballing down a mountain of small misfortunate events. It sounds quite humorous, but let me assure you: it is not.

Everything I own or value is broken: first my laptop and computer which was bad but not so bad. Then my phone which felt like disaster. And then another sydney style car breakdown which WAS a disaster. (In case you're wondering sydney style consists of a 3+ hour tow truck wait, being very close to the middle of the night, and being in relatively very dangerous situations with relatively rare car and unexplainable problems)

Almost all of my relationships are at some sort of bad point. And worse yet: my health is to shit hell. My ONLY consolation is that I'm alive. It barely feels like a consolation.

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and how was my christmas? Don't even ask.

Dear journal,

This morning I discovered that jumping rope early in the morning make me want to shit my pants.

EXTRENE JUMP ROPING!!!!

Annnnnd the stain on my shelfing thing from rotten sprite actually makes me CRAVE sprite....

Hmmmmm. Seems the mornings good thinking time. Ahahhaha

The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight

i can't live in a world that you have left behind
seen a lot, been through too much
but this is where i draw the line
it's not where you're coming from
it's where you're going to
and i just wanna go with you
december is a lonely month
in a year of lonely days
it's hard to tell which way is up
or down or out
or through the haze
people cheat and people lie
while you just watch it all go by
counting days until you die
the stars shine in the sky tonight
like a path beyond the grave
when you wish upon that star
there's two of us you need to save
it's not where you're coming from
it's where you're going to
and i just wanna go with you 


- Eels




I'm not usually a lyrics quoter, but the Eels are my very soul.

Daily Accomplishments

Sent 5 resumes out
Peed on my own hand
Got chocolate all over my keyboard
And drinken old water

hurrah for me!

10 days and counting!

I'm pretty much done with my christmas shopping...

Except for Adam and my Sister, which are the hardest to get usually.

I still have a loooooot of gifts to make. I thought it'd be easy and relatively quick but I started tonight and it seems like it's going to be a long process.

6 cakes to bake, several things to sew, a couple of friendship bracelets (i know, weird, right?), and a frame or two.

It'll be a loooong week this week.

But things to look forward to:

Sydney and Adam day on tuesday!!!!!!!! yay.

If there's anything I would apreciate most as a gift is a lot of Us Time, which sounds like total cheese but it is, after all, what makes me happiest. (ewwwwwwwww.)

Sleep Anger

In lace and pearls against the cold of the night we rush off to dinner. The winds blasts me and I hurry our pace: we're running late. I'm incredibily volatile. at the elevator a man says a rude comment and I scream at him angry but more frantic that we're late. Another man says something and my voice is raised berating him, challenging him to challenge me. "I fucking dare you," I say. We reach the top level, high in the clouds of night. In a small room my family sit, apprehensive and hoping to please this man. He is old but I can tell in his expression the power he holds. He's a magistrate or an embassador for The Leader. Maybe its The Leader himself. I yell at a man on a ladder fixing lights. I challenge himl. My father tries to placate me. I yell at him too. The entire time I'm cursing up a storm. The old man looks at me, I scream that he shouldn't dare cross me. He nods. Men fill the room with rifles.

Monsoon

I somehow find myself trapped underwater beneath a thick layer of ice. There are others. The Leader is there as well. My fear of death mixes with my fear of this man. Using the small bit of air trapped between the ice and water we breathe as we watch the world flood around us.
When the flood stops we raise the ice and stand, soaked, at the edge of the small pool. The Leader tells us he knew The Floods would come. That he prepared this pool of savior for The Pure. I somehow know this means he planned the flood. To kill. As we leave the warehouse where the pool is we wade through the rushing rivers of the street holding onto the sides of buildings to not be swept away.
The Leader has convinced the survivors that I am against them. I am the enemy. They interrogate me. The people begin to beat me with large stones hitting me in the stomach. I panic.
I awake, my body still sore from the blows.

Dear life,

Today was definately a good day.

I got to sleep leisurely until 12:3 0 in the sunshine of this beautiful day.

At safeway if you buy 7 sandwhiches on your club card you get 1 free, welllllll I totally got the free one today! Har har har. I'm usually never the one to buy the 7th sandwhich and therefore am not able to claim the free 8th one. But lady luck is my friend today.

And gas in half moon bay? Premium only 1.99!!! What?!?! That's crazzzzy good. Gas prices are practically back to what they were when I first started driving!

Oh life, you've treated me well this morning.

15 days left for shopping, crafting, finding, and gifting!

Attention all Stalkers

View Larger Map


if anyone wanted to stalk me.... Here's a picture of my house on the internets!!!! 


You can see our large yard that used to be stables, our apple tree and our cherry blossom tree, our garbage cans....


Even the forest across the street! even though it's no longer a forest as of this afternoon and it's now a cleared lot...

Over the Rainbow

Last night we finally got to watch Australia. And while I never thought I would, I think I have a favorite director... Baz L....lurhman? Luhrman? How do you spell it... let me check... Baz Luhrmann. Moulin Rouge won me over. It was unavoidable. So I finally dragged Adam to see it.

I don't usually like Nicole Kidman, but I don't ALWAYS hate her like Claire Danes or anything. She's just so... so... pale and fragile seeming. Which I guess worked for her benefit as a strange crazy white lady in Oz.


Hugh Jackman aka wolverine was .... muscular, to say the least. He evn poured water over his glistening muscle mass of over tanned meat he calls his body. ala herbal essences in the shower wet hair tossing. It was ridiculous and hilariously wonderful allll at the same time.



But what I can say? I always love a good love story, especially an epic one. I loved the movie. I left feeling happy and warm and like I could fly.

But enough o' dem white fella.

My faaaaavorite part.... was the magic.

Adam said that he understood why the movie wasn't well received by audiences. Because people don't like hocusypocusy magic like especially next to some silly european "epic" love story. That they seem silly and unbelievable in the same movie. 

But that's just my favorite kind of thing... Magic Realism.

   That's where it's at.  That's where I fall in love.

This guy was so bad ass it was 5 stages of ridiculous. Look at him in this picture. He alone was epic.

Now I'm torn, don't get me wrong, I saw the perpetuation of stereotypes as the non whites as crazy bush people. And a little bit of that white man's burden thing. They want to gloss over the atrocity of Australia's Stolen Generations. I heard an interview with Luhrmann and this was his way of playing ode to those ripped from their cultures. case studies: I don't think it was played like savages v. whites. It didn't play out like that. It was more of the racist whites v. everyone else. It was how does someone who doesn't belong to white or black find a place to belong somewhere in between. That had more resonance than the negative with me.

I could see why a lot of people won't like it. But me? I love it.

A wide, wide world

They're deforesting the forest across the street from my house...

It takes away from the creepy mystery of the haunted forest that spits out hippies, ghouls, and skunks. I'm afraid and unsure of the change...

And there's a lot chainsaw, tractor, bulldozer, crashing noise all day. A strange habitat to inhabit, indeed...

I'll try and take picture later

There Are Two Kinds of People In the World

I'm heavily considering a new dance class....

This one will be more long term commitment (not that long term) rather than a week to week kind of thing. It starts the first week of January and goes till the middle of march or something. It's by san mateo parks and rec. so it's practically dirt cheap. And I'm sure the quality wouldn't be horrible...

I'm half scared and half excited. I'm only waiting cause I'm worried about:

1) indulging with the money and I may not have so much of the monies in the very near futures
2) it's exactly the same time as my last quarter of school so I'm worried about life overload
3) I always get chicken-y about starting dance again.


But when it comes down to it: it's the only thing I've found that gives me That Feeling, you know? As if I'm Alive, as if I'm Me, As if everything is falling into place. The only thing that's given me the feeling as if I have the chance at the breathless grace of freedom. How long can one stay away from the one thing that they love? Years, apparently...

Let me put it this way:

Mass worldwide genocide, racism that has run through the entire history of human kind, baby deaths, rape as a systematic form of suppression, a million horrible things that almost overpower the good on the planet, in the world, throughout all time.

If there was a God, it wouldn't let it happen. And if there is a God that not only allows but chooses for these things to happen, how could you believe in that?

I believe in personal struggle, personal strength, I believe in the good of the human race, I believe in the beauty of world and the million wonderful thing it produces.

But a God that drives fanatics to the extremes it does? I'll pass. I see why, and I very deeply understand and empathize why so many do. But me? I'll pass. I see the wonder of religion, the sacredness of ceremony and ritual, the good it has also brought and the badness it has held back on occasion. But I'll pass.


I'll pass...

How Do You Think You Got Here????

I feel like my life has reached a definate high level of ridiculous. I'm in desperate need to move out of my parents' house.

I don't know if anyone's experienced moving out of their parents' home TWICE and moving back TWICE. But it's a really strange and almost discouraging thing. It makes you wonder... Will I ever be able to move away? Is the reason I keep coming back because of ME rather than the external circumstances I think cause it? Do I lack the courage?

But I've come to the realization: No, No, it isn't me. I've been left with little to NO choice but moving back in. and i'm ITCHING to get out of here.

my parents are driving me crazzzzzzzzzzzzy.

Go ahead, ask me why. I dare you. It'll freeze your very sanity into instant soup.

The Rest of My Life

Exciting news:

I may or may not have come upon the realization of what it is I want to do with the rest of my life.

Excitement.

Anyone interested in taking language classes conmigo?