Goals.

In my life I haven't been one to physically challenge myself. I was devoted to ballet for around 10 yrs. of my life, I hit some milestones. I got pointe shoes. And honestly? It stood as the only physical achievement I felt like I had hit. It was my only athletic victory.

But with my whole "be healthy" lifestyle makeover that's suddenly changed. Suddenly I'm beginning to feel a small sort of pride in the things I can do.

I've cut naps out of my days in exchange for regular hour and a half exercise. I am able to push myself and go further and further each day. I can do 10 push ups. I beat everyone in the house on sit-ups and leg lifts. I can run around the block!!!

I eat more fruits and veggies that sugars or desserts. I eat mostly whole grains, meat usually once a day. I've cut out all high sodium, high calorie, overly processed, microwave, or fast food.

I have been many things. Fit or "in shape" haven't been one of them. Until now, that is.

Physicality isn't everything. Body shape and diet aren't always a priority. I understand that.

But it's nice for once to not have the shame of being the first out of breath or the one not eating the most. It's nice to not be embarrassed and worried about diabetes or not building enough calcium or blah blah blah.

Next on the goals list?

A job/career that I'm truly happy with.
Going back to school.
Saving money.

These are the things that I think will make me a real grown up.


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Doors

Last night I had this dream that I was in this large house getting ready for the end of the night. Before I went to be I needed to make sure all the doors and windows were locked, all the lights turned out.

I went from room to room locking door and door, closing the window shades, turning off the lights. Some of the switches would turn on more lights, others would turn them off.

As soon as I realized one door was closed I'd find another unlocked or completely open, swinging in the wind. Shutter and shutter needed to be closed. I went from room to room growing more and more afraid of open doors and windows and lights and how dark it was outside.

I was suddenly stuck in a maze of locked doors, needing to be behind the most locked door to protect me. To stop whatever was out there from getting me.

And then I realized.

I realized I was locking it in.

Locking it in with me.

My Productive Day Off

• Did the dishes
• Made PB&J + Tea for breakfast
• Browsed through wedding photographers
• Shopped around online a little (oops. that's not productive)
• Did at least 3 loads of laundry
• Cleaned EVERYTHING in the bathroom using various scrubbing chemicals and devices: Sink, toilet, shower, floor. 
• Cleaned table
• Cleaned living room
• Made Tofu, Spinach, & Cilantro Miso salad Lunch. (Week 3 of diet commences)
• Applied to exactly 14 jobs online
• Went on a 40 min. run/walk (it was about even amount of running and walking) in the rain
• Did about half a million sit-ups, arm weight exercises, leg lifts, rises, push-ups, and stretches until I was EXHAUSTED.
• A 20 min. Wii Zumba thing (don't judge me!!)

And it's only 6:30!!

Next stops? 

• Shower
• Blogging around
• Dinner
• More Cleaning
• Relax?