Have you ever felt like it was possible that your life was nothing more than a series of bad luck or small scale catastrophes? Possibly leading to a large unavoidable one? My life is currently snowballing down a mountain of small misfortunate events. It sounds quite humorous, but let me assure you: it is not.

Everything I own or value is broken: first my laptop and computer which was bad but not so bad. Then my phone which felt like disaster. And then another sydney style car breakdown which WAS a disaster. (In case you're wondering sydney style consists of a 3+ hour tow truck wait, being very close to the middle of the night, and being in relatively very dangerous situations with relatively rare car and unexplainable problems)

Almost all of my relationships are at some sort of bad point. And worse yet: my health is to shit hell. My ONLY consolation is that I'm alive. It barely feels like a consolation.

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and how was my christmas? Don't even ask.

Dear journal,

This morning I discovered that jumping rope early in the morning make me want to shit my pants.

EXTRENE JUMP ROPING!!!!

Annnnnd the stain on my shelfing thing from rotten sprite actually makes me CRAVE sprite....

Hmmmmm. Seems the mornings good thinking time. Ahahhaha

The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight

i can't live in a world that you have left behind
seen a lot, been through too much
but this is where i draw the line
it's not where you're coming from
it's where you're going to
and i just wanna go with you
december is a lonely month
in a year of lonely days
it's hard to tell which way is up
or down or out
or through the haze
people cheat and people lie
while you just watch it all go by
counting days until you die
the stars shine in the sky tonight
like a path beyond the grave
when you wish upon that star
there's two of us you need to save
it's not where you're coming from
it's where you're going to
and i just wanna go with you 


- Eels




I'm not usually a lyrics quoter, but the Eels are my very soul.

Daily Accomplishments

Sent 5 resumes out
Peed on my own hand
Got chocolate all over my keyboard
And drinken old water

hurrah for me!

10 days and counting!

I'm pretty much done with my christmas shopping...

Except for Adam and my Sister, which are the hardest to get usually.

I still have a loooooot of gifts to make. I thought it'd be easy and relatively quick but I started tonight and it seems like it's going to be a long process.

6 cakes to bake, several things to sew, a couple of friendship bracelets (i know, weird, right?), and a frame or two.

It'll be a loooong week this week.

But things to look forward to:

Sydney and Adam day on tuesday!!!!!!!! yay.

If there's anything I would apreciate most as a gift is a lot of Us Time, which sounds like total cheese but it is, after all, what makes me happiest. (ewwwwwwwww.)

Sleep Anger

In lace and pearls against the cold of the night we rush off to dinner. The winds blasts me and I hurry our pace: we're running late. I'm incredibily volatile. at the elevator a man says a rude comment and I scream at him angry but more frantic that we're late. Another man says something and my voice is raised berating him, challenging him to challenge me. "I fucking dare you," I say. We reach the top level, high in the clouds of night. In a small room my family sit, apprehensive and hoping to please this man. He is old but I can tell in his expression the power he holds. He's a magistrate or an embassador for The Leader. Maybe its The Leader himself. I yell at a man on a ladder fixing lights. I challenge himl. My father tries to placate me. I yell at him too. The entire time I'm cursing up a storm. The old man looks at me, I scream that he shouldn't dare cross me. He nods. Men fill the room with rifles.

Monsoon

I somehow find myself trapped underwater beneath a thick layer of ice. There are others. The Leader is there as well. My fear of death mixes with my fear of this man. Using the small bit of air trapped between the ice and water we breathe as we watch the world flood around us.
When the flood stops we raise the ice and stand, soaked, at the edge of the small pool. The Leader tells us he knew The Floods would come. That he prepared this pool of savior for The Pure. I somehow know this means he planned the flood. To kill. As we leave the warehouse where the pool is we wade through the rushing rivers of the street holding onto the sides of buildings to not be swept away.
The Leader has convinced the survivors that I am against them. I am the enemy. They interrogate me. The people begin to beat me with large stones hitting me in the stomach. I panic.
I awake, my body still sore from the blows.

Dear life,

Today was definately a good day.

I got to sleep leisurely until 12:3 0 in the sunshine of this beautiful day.

At safeway if you buy 7 sandwhiches on your club card you get 1 free, welllllll I totally got the free one today! Har har har. I'm usually never the one to buy the 7th sandwhich and therefore am not able to claim the free 8th one. But lady luck is my friend today.

And gas in half moon bay? Premium only 1.99!!! What?!?! That's crazzzzy good. Gas prices are practically back to what they were when I first started driving!

Oh life, you've treated me well this morning.

15 days left for shopping, crafting, finding, and gifting!

Attention all Stalkers

View Larger Map


if anyone wanted to stalk me.... Here's a picture of my house on the internets!!!! 


You can see our large yard that used to be stables, our apple tree and our cherry blossom tree, our garbage cans....


Even the forest across the street! even though it's no longer a forest as of this afternoon and it's now a cleared lot...

Over the Rainbow

Last night we finally got to watch Australia. And while I never thought I would, I think I have a favorite director... Baz L....lurhman? Luhrman? How do you spell it... let me check... Baz Luhrmann. Moulin Rouge won me over. It was unavoidable. So I finally dragged Adam to see it.

I don't usually like Nicole Kidman, but I don't ALWAYS hate her like Claire Danes or anything. She's just so... so... pale and fragile seeming. Which I guess worked for her benefit as a strange crazy white lady in Oz.


Hugh Jackman aka wolverine was .... muscular, to say the least. He evn poured water over his glistening muscle mass of over tanned meat he calls his body. ala herbal essences in the shower wet hair tossing. It was ridiculous and hilariously wonderful allll at the same time.



But what I can say? I always love a good love story, especially an epic one. I loved the movie. I left feeling happy and warm and like I could fly.

But enough o' dem white fella.

My faaaaavorite part.... was the magic.

Adam said that he understood why the movie wasn't well received by audiences. Because people don't like hocusypocusy magic like especially next to some silly european "epic" love story. That they seem silly and unbelievable in the same movie. 

But that's just my favorite kind of thing... Magic Realism.

   That's where it's at.  That's where I fall in love.

This guy was so bad ass it was 5 stages of ridiculous. Look at him in this picture. He alone was epic.

Now I'm torn, don't get me wrong, I saw the perpetuation of stereotypes as the non whites as crazy bush people. And a little bit of that white man's burden thing. They want to gloss over the atrocity of Australia's Stolen Generations. I heard an interview with Luhrmann and this was his way of playing ode to those ripped from their cultures. case studies: I don't think it was played like savages v. whites. It didn't play out like that. It was more of the racist whites v. everyone else. It was how does someone who doesn't belong to white or black find a place to belong somewhere in between. That had more resonance than the negative with me.

I could see why a lot of people won't like it. But me? I love it.

A wide, wide world

They're deforesting the forest across the street from my house...

It takes away from the creepy mystery of the haunted forest that spits out hippies, ghouls, and skunks. I'm afraid and unsure of the change...

And there's a lot chainsaw, tractor, bulldozer, crashing noise all day. A strange habitat to inhabit, indeed...

I'll try and take picture later

There Are Two Kinds of People In the World

I'm heavily considering a new dance class....

This one will be more long term commitment (not that long term) rather than a week to week kind of thing. It starts the first week of January and goes till the middle of march or something. It's by san mateo parks and rec. so it's practically dirt cheap. And I'm sure the quality wouldn't be horrible...

I'm half scared and half excited. I'm only waiting cause I'm worried about:

1) indulging with the money and I may not have so much of the monies in the very near futures
2) it's exactly the same time as my last quarter of school so I'm worried about life overload
3) I always get chicken-y about starting dance again.


But when it comes down to it: it's the only thing I've found that gives me That Feeling, you know? As if I'm Alive, as if I'm Me, As if everything is falling into place. The only thing that's given me the feeling as if I have the chance at the breathless grace of freedom. How long can one stay away from the one thing that they love? Years, apparently...

Let me put it this way:

Mass worldwide genocide, racism that has run through the entire history of human kind, baby deaths, rape as a systematic form of suppression, a million horrible things that almost overpower the good on the planet, in the world, throughout all time.

If there was a God, it wouldn't let it happen. And if there is a God that not only allows but chooses for these things to happen, how could you believe in that?

I believe in personal struggle, personal strength, I believe in the good of the human race, I believe in the beauty of world and the million wonderful thing it produces.

But a God that drives fanatics to the extremes it does? I'll pass. I see why, and I very deeply understand and empathize why so many do. But me? I'll pass. I see the wonder of religion, the sacredness of ceremony and ritual, the good it has also brought and the badness it has held back on occasion. But I'll pass.


I'll pass...

How Do You Think You Got Here????

I feel like my life has reached a definate high level of ridiculous. I'm in desperate need to move out of my parents' house.

I don't know if anyone's experienced moving out of their parents' home TWICE and moving back TWICE. But it's a really strange and almost discouraging thing. It makes you wonder... Will I ever be able to move away? Is the reason I keep coming back because of ME rather than the external circumstances I think cause it? Do I lack the courage?

But I've come to the realization: No, No, it isn't me. I've been left with little to NO choice but moving back in. and i'm ITCHING to get out of here.

my parents are driving me crazzzzzzzzzzzzy.

Go ahead, ask me why. I dare you. It'll freeze your very sanity into instant soup.

The Rest of My Life

Exciting news:

I may or may not have come upon the realization of what it is I want to do with the rest of my life.

Excitement.

Anyone interested in taking language classes conmigo?

Sydney + Adam 4 ever

What We're all Thankful For

Oh Thanksgiving, how you've harmed my very soul:
- car hit and run? Check
- ditched at a party an hour and a half from home with no goddamned ride: check
- prayers been forced to listen to: twice.
- bitter fuck: check

Brightsides? I haven't been told I'm fat again, my car wasn't hit twice, I wasn't ditched twice, and hey, at least I caught a ride. Eventually.

Manic Monday

My mother, who I consider a relative expert on child raising given her 5 children 5+ grandchildren and uncountable amounts of neices or nephews has elnighted me with this:

"The only thing worse than watching a sick baby is watching a sick baby WHILE you're sick!"

I second this sentiment after a day of standing holding the 30 lb. baby not being able to sit down or put her down unless willing to face unwavering screaming while too weak to stand and too sick to breathe, and having a cell phone thrown at my head (by the baby) hard enough to make me want to cry.

Oh long days of all long days, after a night of literally (and accidentally) banging my head against a wall, not sleeping, nightmares, and a ridiculous EXPLOSION of the worst hives i think i've ever gotten. Why is the day not yet done?

The Good Old Days (Pt. 2)

That night...

After a beautiful sunset, (an upsetting family party), feeling drained from the sun, and some internet browsing...

I tried to wake up adam. He was sleeping for a good hour and a half before at 1:30 in the morning (night, really) when I decided I would try and play puppies with him. Don't get any dirty ideas, the game mostly consists of jumping on him, pulling his ears, and trying to make him mad. I suceeded in waking him up but he refused to stay awake. I threatened to take pictures of him sleeping. And being the terrorist brat I am I half hoped the flash would bother him enough. I couldn't just threaten...

I'm so cruel, I know. I only took one of his face before I felt bad for being such a bug. So, I let him sleep...

And made shadow puppets on his back instead!

The most brilliant idea i've EVER had. Seriously.

It's Up To You and Me, but Whose to Say? These could be the good old days...

This past sunday was a blissfully beautiful day. Nothing makes me feel more alive and more grateful to be in love than beautiful days.

I like a lot of these simpy for the blue skies and green trees and the ridiculously beautiful setting. We don't often take pictures together, and even more rare I post them on the internet. But I figured this time, why not, I'll go the extra mile and being internet cheesy.

I don't know why, maybe it was the sun light, but my eyes LOOK closed in almost all of these. Surprisingly enough, they aren't closed, simply... squinted.

For a short period of time everyone was at out picnic eating lunch... My mom made shrimp tempura, teriyaki steak, miso tofu salad... You get the drift (and the theme). We ate them in the sun watching the butterflies and listening to the water for a while eating on real plates (opposed to normal plastic picnic fare). But given that a majority of people hate happiness they went back inside leaving Adam and I outside just basking for a handful of hours being happy. I dont understand WHY everyone went inside, it was digustingly stuffy and hot and crowded. While outside in the shade it was cool, calm, and there was plenty of wonderfulness to go around.

A little later on ZoMcZoe stopped by the house. I stole her outside to join our picnic and walk in the grass. I secretly wanted her to try and eat dirt. But to no avail...

Does everyone see how wonderful it was out? How big and open and picturesque everything is?

Here we are testing gravity and physics. A + B + baby upside down = that little alien look she's giving. Curly Sue, that's what she is. It may seem awesome now, but she'll learn that it isn't always fun and games to have like me. In babytimes it's adorable. In adolenscence its embaressing, fizzy, and awkward. In adult hood its finally manageable.

Then she went back inside to hang out with The Slouchers.

This big yellow duvet seemingly lends itself beautifully to sunshine picnics.(Wish the blackberry weren't ruining the pictures). And ridiculouslyaffectionate secret factor I'll let everyone in on? My head wasn't just down, Adam's hand is beneath my face (and in my hand) and I'm cuddling it. Gross, right?

It was hands-down one of the best days of my life. The kind of day that makes a lifetime. golden. Absolutely golden.

I've mellowed out since spending 8+ miserable hours with my family, being told I'm fat, and being forced to go to church.

Now I just feel sick to my stomach, slightly grumpy, and wishing I could hang out with friends more often.

Friendsgiving soon TBA. And other hangouts of pleasure.

Family Matters?

This is going to sound really petty and ridiculous...


But my grandma told me I was getting really fat. Worse yet, she said it in Tagalog and it made it sound somehow MUCH more insulting. I wish she had said "fat" instead.

And maybe it's cause i'm on my period or maybe it's cause lately i've been going through a (short) phase of feeling bodily secure...

But now I want to cry.

(super sighs) ... .. .  I'm fat.... . . .


and i was having such a good day otherwise.

The Fight

What a dismal state of affairs our state will find ourselves in if Prop. 8 passes.

I have very stone hard beliefs but I'm the kind of person that doesn't feel the need to push them onto everyone and anyone. My brothers, sisters, and father are very confrontational. I took the quiet rode and told myself that I'd believe what I believe and let others argue it out. But here's a lapse in that....

What a horrible, dismal, incredibly depression state of affairs we'll find ourselves in if these are the results:

At approximately 1:00 AM with 66.2% votes turned in

There's around a 400,000 vote difference between yes and no on prop 8. Yes is in the lead (so far), that's 52.6% vs. 47.4%
Prop 2, which dealt with animal rights is winning for yes with 62%.
Prop 4, parental notification for abortions is No (53%).

And others that weren't so close to my heart...

I know that I shouldn't be so pessimistic and remember our silver lining (GObama!) but, seriously? A proposition to TAKE AWAY rights of people that have only just been granted to them?!

This isn't a sad day just for the Californian LGBT community, but for everyone everywhere interested and pining for Justives.

Just a sad, sad day... Thanks Middle America (Middle California) for forcing state policy to take a step back. For RETROGRESSIVE ideals.

I think it's time to move, what about you?

I FILLED UP MY CAR FOR LESS THAN 40 DOLLARS!!!!!! Thank heavens!!!!! Cheap(er) gas!!!

Livin' for the Weekend

Ahhh, The Pumpkin Patches. Half Moon Bay (where I live) is apparently "Pumpkin Capital of the World." Although I feel that's a hyperbole. Either way, there's a LOT of pumpkin mania around here. Especially during the weekend. I do my best to avoid it COMPLETELY but this year I went to a pumpkin patch (the first time in 8ish years) for Baby Z's first halloween and pumpkin outing. It was the most insane thing ever. I couldn't even begin to comprehend what it would be like.

Adam, Z, and I like a little happy family. We look like we could be young parents or something equally scary. Don't worry! Not for me anytime soon.

Here I am holding a pumpkin like it's a baby...

The baby and the Beast. I title this one: The nanny and the Babe.

And here I am pushing a wheelbarrow. I told Adam he better get a picture cause its the last time in my life he'll find me doing that.Do I look like I could be a good farmer?

And then we made had a quick beach trip (aka a looong walk).

Her first trip to the beach! She seemed to enjoy the sand, even gave it a quick taste! How could this not be the most adorable thing ever? Even if she does constantly get confused for a boy...

AND THAT WAS JUST SATURDAY AFTERNOON!

Sunday was spent with Tiffany. We had a nice little outing. I enjoy us spending time together even if I do have friend commitment issues. Cupcakes, shopping, a short walk, and even a crazy crazy san franciscan yelling at us to stop being happy. Buddy, it's gonna take a lot more than that to wipe the happy out of these lives.

SOS

OMG. I just went through such a horrible ordeal. I'm horribly shaken up and I can't escape the panic of what just happened. Adam and I come home to this porr horrible looking feeble dog in the middle of the road, seemingly unable to get up or move. Our car idled, as we sat there in utter shock before we could process anything. THe dog doesn't move. Keep in mind, it's pitch black outside, across the street from my house is a looming forest. Finally I spring we spring into action. Adam gets police department # (the only thing we can think of at the moment) while I tentatively approach the dog. He's got a collar and a tag. He stands there completely unresponsive. He's standing, he isn't dead, obviously. We assume he's been hit by a car and react thus. We call the 2 numbers on the tags, I realize I know the people and call my mom, dad, and sister to get their home numbers. No answers from them. We call the police department which gives us the number of an emergency vet. Which gives us the number to a 24 hr emergency vet. Which gives us the number to animal services. They say they'll send someone within 20 - 30 mins. You can see understand the frantic panic that has set into motion. Calling every which way while this horribly, and I really do mean horribly, hurt, weak, and pathetic creature falls against me, holding it's weight against me simply to stand.

We bring him inside, give him food and water, while Tsunami paces inside barking and panicking as well. Falling all over himself and the water bowl, his legs shaking, the dog eats like its starved.

After a half hour of calls, the owners come to my house. They explain their dog hasn't been hit by a car like we thought, he's simply an old, old dog, dying. He's blind and deaf, he doesn't eat much and that's why he's so thin. He's in the throes of death, which is why he can barely walk THe owner is nonchalant. He coaxes him home slowly and surely. Leaving us stricken and dejected.

We make the calls to animal services, the dog has been picked up. And go inside to cope. I feel horrible. We've had a long night beyond the dog: what with forgotten keys, locked cars, pick ups and drop offs, emotional conversations.

My heart is in the bottom of my stomach, rotting away in stress.

The Happiest of Birthdays

For all my complaining, I'm very easily satisfied. I had a wonderful birthday, spent quite happily.

Very low key, no crazy outings. Just a couple of dinners, work, the bookstore, of all things.

Most importantly, and my favorite of all (quite sincerely), is the ability to spend quality time with the people in my life. It's what I actually wanted. To feel like I was special enough to set aside time for on at least my birthday. Which is definatly what I got.

So I'll beam and smile for at least the remainder of my birthday week.

Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts

My desktop computer has been officially infected with some sort of nasty. I get these fakey warning boxes popping up everywhere. The kind where I know if I click it, It's taking me to more virus-y websites. ALL the time. I'm hoping that it's failed to access "personal" information on my computer but it does make everything horribly slow and absolutely impossible to be effective. I can't even open up any browsers without being bombarded with utter CRAP.

I tried to instal AVG, free spyware remover junks, but my trojan has actually infected me so much the damn spyware taker outer can't be properly installed. Super lame. I've run like 3 -4 different kinds of scanners, no luck. I've tried manually deleting it, but believe me, I'm not THAT computer savvy. The guy even disabled my task manager somehow.

I can't very well reformat my computer mostly because I don't have all the discs or programs to do so. I'm considering just going out and buying fancy spyware, anti viral programs. But that'll be like 80 bucks. Which is 80 dollars I don't have. Too bad, so sad.

Let's hope I figure SOMETHING out.

The Blues

I'm only a little dissapointed that everyone has seemingly forgotten about my birthday this year.

I didn't want some big regalia but from the select few just a something, anything.

Everyone's seemingly busy. I'm just dissapointed, is all. A sad, sorry little puppy

Like this one courtesy Martha Stewart's Blog

The Complete guide to Animal Sydneys

Any one doing anything exciting for halloween? Can't figure out what Adam and I are doing. If anyone's interested let me know, maybe we could do something exciting. (dancing?)

And here's the last of the pictures for now...

Old zoo pictures of the one and only me! The 1st one is my favorite

Oh Mickey, You're so fine

Oh, and here's one of me trying to jump into a picture with tons of people I don't know, my sister, and Mickey Mouse at a wedding that I went to a couple of weeks ago in DisneyLand.  (that's the certified real Mickey Mouse!) As I walked away I screamed like a teeny bopper "I love you Mickey!!!!" And I meant it. Take that.

(PS I actually know a LOT of the words for that "oh mickey" song. more than the normal person knows. really.)

let's Mexigo!

Now, here is the only proof that Adam and I went to Mexico for our Anniversary. surprisingly enough there's a minimum amount of pictures. (Busy doing something else? no way, that's vulgar. We spent most of our time eating)

Butterflies after zip lining in the Sierra Madres

We came back to our room looking like sailor moon transformed in it. Rose petals, hearts, and magic.

And here I am stuffing my face with what is presumably a hamburger. Could be a hot dog, if you ask me. Note: nacho cheese sauce on my plate for dipping. Glutton.

Dog Days

I'm on adam's computer. So I figured I'd update with super awesome pictures that I've not ever put up. Starting with Tsunami:

Here she is before the accident. circa June/July. Adam and I took her to the beach on/around her 2nd bday. Here she is jumppping in the water. Loving life.

Here's the 1st day after the surgery. She was incredibly pathetic and sad. Groggy and out of it. She just lay in our laps like the world's most pitiable pup.

We affectionately called this mechanism "The Fuck-Me" boot. Tsunami wasn't a fan and while it was so ridiculous it was cute I can easily say that I hope to never see it again. Someone couldn't pay me to go back to those days.

Cone, boot, sad tired face.




That's pretty much it for Tsunami. Don't worry, She's pretty much fine now. She still sports the cone most of the time cause she'll chew her leg till it bleeds (tries to get to her robot parts. She can walk and run and jump (thank god after 10 looooong weeks!!!) pretty much normal. Happy little cyborg pup.

Tidy

Well, My Dear Readers,

I've officially cleaned my room. Not that I keep it very messy usually. I somehow grew out of that pigsty of a room stage. I thought I never would given that I had it so bad. I figured it was just a personality trait. But lo and hold, as an adult I actually prefer a neater, tidier room enough to keep it neat and tidy.

But today I clean-cleaned. Earlier this week I cleaned the bathroom (scrub down of the toilet and sink, reoganization of all my bathroom junk) so that was pretty much clean.

So tonight I desmelled and vacuumed my carpet (there was a little tsunami in the vacuum dump tank!).

I COMPLETELY reorganized all of my shelves, display areas, nightstand, and... a lot of shelves. I realized that there were too many decorations/toys on some shelves making it look cluttered and dirty even when cleaned off, so I relocated a bunch and they're all smoothed over now. I even cleaned off all the dust and muck. I even threw all those old receipts away! Oh, and I rearranged my Pablo Neruda alter. And my desk is super spick and span.

Oh, and most importantly of all, there's been this HUGE stack of clothes on this extra mattress I have that I actually planned on never putting away. They all have to be hung on a hanger in a closet. My LEAST favorite thing to do. I don't mind laundry or folding or putting in drawers. It's hanging I hate. So there was at least 20+ items I was letting pile up and look like a COMPLETE mess. But tonight? I actually hung them all. And even properly arranged them in my closet (I used to be really psychotic about color coding the clothes I hung. But this time I just seperated hoodies, sweaters with no hoods, light sweaters, coats, and skirts. Not too anal, right?)

I feel utterly accomplished. Nice super clean and shiny room. If a certain someone would let me borrow their certain camera and possibly a cord maybe I could have taken picture of my newly cleaned room. But now that chance has come and gone, completely undocumented.

Oh, I also went through my clothes and closet for things to go to my Uncle's garage sale. I'm not very close with my uncle. I have such a large family it's pretty difficult to be close to anyone beyond pleasentries (although I used to see everyone at least once a weekend. But I was only a kid then...) but especially my Uncle because he's more distant than the rest. Never goes to family parties, barely talks if he were to, and is generally uncommuncative with me in any shape or form. But his daughter, my cousin Jenna, I actually grew up REALLY close to. We spent almost every weekend and every school holiday with one another, and as we grew up we depended on each other for general friendly care taking like rides and friend problems. (I'll admit that at times I've felt it was just a tiny bit one sided although, I try to never hold that against her). So, because I was so close with his daughter, I think he may be slightly more attached to me than any of my other cousins but that doesn't change the fact of our relationship. We just aren't close. Either way, he's recently been diagnosed with Cancer (is that a capital C? or lowercase?) . He had a couple of tumors (I think) in a couple of places and his chances were placed at slim to none. This is a very sad occurance, but to be absolutely honest, other than my extreme empathy for others around me (my cousin, my mom, my grandmother), I'm not really affected. Like I said, we aren't close. I realize the horrible situation and from the bottom of my heart can only wish it that best outcome but I'm not horribly involved or torn apart. Sad, but not devastated. He was getting better for a moment, but outlook is still grim. They've decided that nothing will help him, save him, or stop the cancer (I tried lower-case this time), so he's currently on medications simply to slow the growth of the cancer.

So! to the point of this entire story: my very large family (15+ aunts and uncles, and 25+ cousins) are having a very large garage sale to help pay for the medications this weekend. I've gone through my things (finally) for my meager contribution. If anyones in the Daly City area and likes garage sales, come on down, give me a call I'll tell you where it is. (Chances are I won't be there myself. I'll be at the red bull race!)

Soon, I'll start having more pictures up. Just because I know they're SO much more eyepopping than these long, lame entries. And I'll work on having the date on the entries too. Anyone have suggestions?

I Am Not a Paper Cup...

 But holy shit am I cool for owning this super cool porcelein not a paper cup - cup.

The real question is, why do I love a simple thing so very much? I think its the texture and the milky whiteness of it in real life.

I don't know why my blog isn't showing the dates. I'm getting frustrated with it. super lame.

Snaps

Sometimes I do this thing that makes me not want to update my blog...

It's called leading an uninteresting super lame life. boring. boring. boring. my life is boring.

All day monday to friday I babysit a baby. She doesn't talk, walk, make jokes. She sits and makes noises and throws things at my face. It was really amusing and fun the first couple of weeks. But now I just feel like a house mom. With the shades drawn, watching day time television for like 5 hours a day. Ughk. All that's ever on on Maury is DNA/Paternity tests. The highlight of my day is sesame street. Lame.

At night I usually go home. I sit around, unfortunately watch a little more TV, eat a mediocre dinner, and hang around practically staring a the paint dry.

I don't have a real challenging job. I don't do anything of real interest on the weekends. I'm currently not in school and fantasize about registering for classes.

I'm sick every day (literally) for some god unknown reason.

Maybe in a day or two I'll be able to look at the more humerous side of my otherwise very droll life. And fill my blog with stories of my mundane domestic amusements.

I like this. It amuses me. Click Me

The Mysterious and Often Confused Case of Tsunami

Prompted by certain speculations that I don't have a dog and that Tsunami is not my dog I feel the need to clear the air. Don't ask why I'm so sensitive about it, I just am. It's like my soft spot. Talk about what you want: my lack of any talents in life, how boring I am, how ugly I am. But leave my dog, my family, and my boyfriend alone. They're soft spot.

Of course, I acknowledge that she's my sisters dog. But at the same time, dogs are allowed to be owned by more than one person. If you have a family dog but its preferred owner is your dad, do you say, "It's my dad's dog?" or is it your dog as well? And it isn't like a child, where you can argue whose the mother or father. It's a dog. It's perfectly possible that it can be SHARED.

Reasons I know she's my dog:

1. When she was first purchased I automatically, at first sight fell in love with her.
2. I've helped train her for general obediance and special tricks that she'll only do with me.
3. I feed her, give her water, and generally do my best to provide for her.
4. I probably pet her and play with her more than even my sister does. No one doubts that. I'm practically her favorite playmate.
5. When she sees me she COMPLETELY lights up, which is strange to say a dog does but its undeniable. You've never seen a dog so happy.
6. I've been to almost every vet appointment
7. My opinion is asked for and is very important when it comes to making pet decisions
8. I'm one of her primary walkers. I pick up her shit in little baggies at the park.
9. She occassionally sleeps in my bed.
10. She follows me around and sleeps at my feet
11. When she had her accident, although I had VERY little money, I gave all of it to her surgery.
12. When she had all those apointments for her surgery who was there at every one worried absolutely sick and had to make critical decisions as to her well being? Me.
13. Who does she listen to more than the average friend? me.
14. I have more pictures of her, have hugged her more, and have worried over her more than anyone else.
15. I was there for almost every day of her puppyhood. Every. Day. She practically grew up before my eyes.
16. I give her baths and haircuts (including the botched mohawk)
17. I know her habits, personality, and idiosyncracies
18. I've helped to handle almost every responsibility of owning a pet: time, money, effort, energy, and love
19. I've carried her up and down flights of stairs when she couldn't walk so often it almost threw out my back.
20. I've been to the pet store more times than I should admit and I've bought her more collars, leashes, toys, uneccessary jackets that she never wears, and treats than is probably healthy for my bank account
21. I know her birthday and I'm actually the only one who even celebrates it. I even get her a present for christmas.
22. Most importantly of all, I really really do love her. More than I've probably ever loved anything (adam and my family aside). The whole world can fall apart,  you can take anything you want: my car, my home, all of my friends and I would still never give her up. If she became a crazy chow and went completely insane and bit me and mauled me to the brink of death. I'd forgive her. Because how could I stay mad at such a cute little face? She's quite honestly my best friend.

For awhile I would sheepishly admit she wasn't OFFICIALLY my dog, I just called her that.
Here are the reasons she COULD be considered not my dog:

1. My sister paid for her. (But how many young people CAN purchase their own pets? If a parent gets your pet is it not yours? If you get a stray for free, is it not yours?)
2. I don't live with her (Although she often spends weekends at my house. and she USED to live with me. and I'm over at her house almost half the time anyway)
3. I don't buy her food (I do occassionally but given financial situations its a shared responsibility)

That's it. Those're the only reasons she could possibly be considered NOT my dog. But enough with that. She is my dog.

I don't claim to have sole ownership over her. She's of course undoubtedly my sister's dog. But she's also Vicky's cause vicky loves her and takes care of her and lives with her just the same. And she's also Adam's dog because he's been half her caretaker the entire time and is the only guy that Tsunami doesn't hate. She's all of our dogs. Barely more one than the others. And so, if I've ever told you that she's not REALLY my dog. Let's really get it out there: She's my dog through and through and there's really no room to argue that.

To Fix what's not broken?

Uhm... Emergency #1: I'm totally considering making the jump. Turning the switch. Taking the leap.

I'm considering traitoring out of blogger. I'm... afraid.

I never thought I'd say this but.... . . I fear I've grown sentimentally attached to be apart of the google family... Am I ready to leave it? Go out on my own without a cent to my name and publish via the press? Oh, the decisions. The choices! I don't know what to do! For crying out loud, SOMEBODY HELP!

I began searching for new templates for my blogger. (you'll notice the new template that apparently steals the thunder of my storyboards. I didn't copy, I swear!) In the process I realized that a LOT of the templates were converted word press templates. Made me wonder... Why don't I just head on over there? And so I went. And they have a lot of really cool features...... . . . .

But... I have friends here! There's... Adam, and Jake, and Danielle... And... and... well those are blogger friends!

And my history.... oh the history that blogger and I have. I was a blogger via BLOGGER before it became google owned. Hell, before blogger got GOOD. There we no picture options or crossy outy lines! There was only Blogger, the page, and my text... Oh the days.... What to do, what to do...

I've wanted to leave this blog but am I ready for the professional jump to word.press?!?

I have a lot to think about.  Oh yes, I have plenty.

Emergency #2: I haven't been sleeping well. Please help.

Coming Soon...

Story boards for what may (or may not) be the largest arts and crafts project i've ever attempted to undertake.

About Me (List Style)

aka
- Stinky
- Smelly
- Syd, Informally

heritage
- Is my least favorite thing to be asked. Especially before hello.
- When people have the audacity to ask I prefer to say, “brown.” (a look that says, “what now, bitch? Balls in your court”)
- I’m actually only mostly Filipino. Am I supposed to feminize the word? Capitalize?

a/s/l
- Too young for comfort
- Just enough female
- Now just measly hometown half moon bay. But I prefer to say San Francisco. At one point I’ve haunted around LA and Santa Cruz.

what i like about myself
- My boobs
- My good days
- The expanse of my happiness


what i don't like about myself
- Mood swings
- Inability to find any outlet for expression
- unfinished projects and life make overs

things that scare me
- Birds and feathers
- My future
- the past that I have yet to overcome

everyday essentials
- The Blackberry
- Claritin 24 hour for the chronic hives
- naps

wearing right now
- Too large, mustard yellow, Terrible Twos shirt with a lion on it
- Mickey Mouse watch from disneyland (sorta)
- My least favorite pair of underwear (must do laundry)

music
- Mamma Mia! All day long every day.
- Mamma Mia, all day long, seriously
- I haven’t had mamma mia out of my cd player for over a month I think…

goals for the next 12 months
- Graduate
- Move out
- Figure out where and what and who I want to be

want in a relationship
- Someone that looks like Adam
- Someone that acts like Adam
- Or maybe just my best friend, Adam.



physical things that attract me to the opposite sex
- face shape (head shape?)
- height
- posture?


i can't
- seem to figure anything out lately
- wait till I can claim independance
- stand the wait

hobbies
- Big Box crayon color organization
- Self diagnosing
- Half Assed Gardening, reading, writing, and blogging

what i want to do right now
- Get a chai (NOT the starbucks kind. The kind based on an original recipe of an old indian ( ?) man with a grey beard and poems on his walls that calls me sweetheart, takes usually a really slow time, talks in a whisper, and is WAY better than anything you can commercially buy)
- Go lay out in the sun with you, just soaking in the happiness
- bake something utterly delicious


careers i am considering
- Nobody at a nobody company just getting by
- Animal portrait photographer (right? Riiiight?)
- Baker

where i want to go on vacation
- Spain
- Greece
- Italy
- France
- Back to Chile
- oh wait… there’s too many to list!



kids' names (and yes, eventually i will have some. maybe.) And don’t you dare consider stealing these ideas!!! I’ll hunt you down.
- Ava (possibly Avalena but that looks so strange spelled.)
- Lolita (lalita?) I’m afraid for the connotations on this one, though
- Sophie

what i must do before i die
- Live
- Live
- Live

I have seen brighter days and this is simply one of those moments in life where we're all waiting for the clouds to clear.

Have I ever been a believer in silver linings?

Fresh Start?

I'm considering ditching this blog, possibly start a new one. Clean slates, less embarrassing visible history sort of thing. I must admit, I'm a chronic blogger.

I've had online diaries and blogs since I was 14. Each time I'm sick of where I've been, I start a new one. Different feel, different point to it.

I've wanted to for awhile, but the direction I want the newest one to go in will take a lot more effort. Am I ready to put effort into a blog?

Jenny Lewis is coming out with a new album. September 23rd. Hoorah

I'm horribly tired and worn. Spent all night tossing and turning and feeling sick. Didn't sleep till 4. Morning full of nightmares.

I need baked goods in a major sort of way, anyone willing to donate?

I'm considering getting a second job again. Because this whole being poor stuff really sucks.

I keep feeling like I have somethin to tell someone, anyone really, or even something I wanted to say here in my blog... And then I forget. ughk. I hate that.

I'm watching burn after reading.

Trip to LA was cool. Minnie and mickey!!!!

Didn't get to go disneyland :(

Weekends

Well I guess while it's nap time i SHOULD update my blog, given that I haven't in so long.

Well this weekend I'm going to LA for a disneyland wedding. My cousin Trixie and her husband to be Bon. But before I get into that let's cover last weekend:


Adam and I's 5 year anniversary... woooowwww. It feels and seems SO long. 5 years?! that's almost a quarter of my life! and rising.

As a present he arranged for us to go on a prolonged weekend vacation to Mexico! (3 days, 4 nights). It was incredible! We stayed at a really really nice, newly remodeled room at an all inclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta here: Sol Melia

One of the days we did this really awesome ziplining adventure tour: Vallarta Adventure
The Outdoor Adventure: first we got picked up at the marina pier for an almost 20 minute speed boat ride practically across the bay. Don't worry guys, my super motion sick self LOADED up on the dramamine. Not a second of motion sick, thank god. A really brief view of all the hotels, and ridiculously large palacial mansions along the coast. Then we got into this huge practically cargo truck to go up this pot hole filled super twisted dirt road. After another 20 minutes being jostled around like crazy we got to the base camp. Harnessed up, helmets on head, gloves in hand, we take a 20 minute trip via MULES to the top of the mountain. Jokingly (I'm assuming) the guides called mine mini cooper. He was a mean ol' mule, running and bumping all the other mules, cutting them off, and scaring the daylights out of me. All I could think the entire time was "I DO NOT HAVE GOOD RIDING HISTORY!" I half expected to die just because I have such poor luck with horses, donkeys, and now mules.

We went ziplining from mountainside to moutainside with the most beautiful views above the tree line of waterfalls and mountaintops. Each line was higher and longer than the last and while at first I was scared, I quickly got over it. my favorite parts were rappelling down a waterfall rock face and getting soaked my the fresh river water. When we got to the bottom of the waterfall we drop into chest deep water and pull ourselves along a rope to the riverside. Incredibly refreshing on such a nice day. And rappelling? I've totally got that under my belt from rock climbing! Then we ziplined from riverside to riverside sometimes landing deep in the water. We walked rope bridges and then free rappelled (without the rock face) down a platform deep into the river. We ziplined and hiked down all the way back to base camp! All in all our tour was around 6 hours. It was incredible and I'd totally go again.

The next day we went to the boardwalk in P.V. and walked around a bit. It was pretty much empty and we headed back through the gasoline scented streets to our hotel. Other than the tour we mostly ate a lot, lounged around a lot, and... That's all.

I still feel like I'm jet lagged even though it's a 2 hour difference. I've been utterly exhausted and horribly hungry at abnormal times. Last night I went to sleep at 10:30!!! And I still wake up tired.

Right now Baby Z is napping and I'm watching TV. Did you know that there's ABSOLUTELY nothing to watch in the middle of the day? Little kid shows, trashy talk shows, and soap operas. Basically, nothing of interest. On animal planet it's practically Pet Star all day. Which is seriously the most boring show EVER to disgrace animal planet. On TLC it's baby story ALL day, who really wants to watch 30 minutes of a couple waiting for their baby and then its birth? ewwww, if you ask me. Discovery channel plays cash cab for awhile and then the driest episodes of How It's Made. You can only watch how things are made for so many hours before the machines are pounding, punching, and stamping boredom into my brain. Crappy MTV shows suck out any IQ I previously had. Other than the lack of good TV babysitting is good as always. How can one NOT love babysitting a usually happy baby that looks so excited to see me everytime?

What else is there to add? Oh, I got a super 8 camera for Adam for our aniv. from Ebay. I was told it would work but Adam has yet to test it. Here's to crossing my fingers!

Baby Z's nap should be ending soon, maybe I should try and squeeze in a few minutes of sleep myself before she wakes. Oh, and if you're wondering about any pictures from Mexico: We didn't take any. Hopefully I can get SOMETHING ineresting up here eventually.

PS: The MTV show exiled where they send away sweet 16 mega spoiled brats to "hard" conditions is totally lame.

Vendras Conmigo

I had this long entry typed out and it got deleted when my internet crashed... lammmeee...

 

But to reiterate in a nutshell:

 

I'm considering a new tattoo. A quote of sorts from any 3 of my favorite life altering authors or my favorite band the Eels. In the following weeks expect pictures of antcipated format and/or quotes i'm considering. I'd love feedback. If the quote is cheesy or sounds stupid, or isn't strong enough to stand on it's own outside of the overall context i've pulled it from. Even if you horribly disagree with it it'll really help me make my decision, such as, "Am I ready to defend and explain the meaning of this quote my entire life?"

 

To Begin:

 

"Love is so short, Forgetting is so long..."

 

I feel like this one is a little long but it continually intrigues me: "And one by one the nights between our seperated cities are joined to the night that unites us."

 

And this is by far one of my favorite poems and the place I've plagarized my blog title from:

 

Come with me, I said, and no one knew

where, or how my pain throbbed,

no carnations or barcaroles for me,

only a wound that love had opened.

I said it again: Come with me, as if I were dying,

and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth

or the blood that rose into the silence.

O Love, now we can forget the star that has such thorns!

 

That is why when I heard your voice repeat

Come with me, it was as if you had let loose

the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine

The geysers flooding from deep in its vault:

in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again,

of blood and carnations, of rock and scald.

From that I think I would pull "Come with me..." (like my blog title, kind of corny, I know). Any other suggestions?

 

 

On completely unrelated matters:

 

• Babysitting has been going well. I'll eventually post pictures.
• If you all thought my boyfriend was awesome when he got me signed first editions of my favorite books I think he may have topped himself with an all expense paid trip to Mexico. Leaving tomorrow.
• I think I've killed my bluetooth.
• And my basil is growing like crazy, my peppers are finally fully sprouting. Yay, growing plants is like presents every day.

Just so we're on the same page...

Looking for a living wage sucks.
Wasted potential totally sucks.
Short sticks, ends meat, and pay day to pay day sucks.

Other things that suck in no particular order
Being suckered
Needing sleep
Being the bigger person
Having it rubbed in your face
Being grumpy when you don't want to be
Getting lazier when you shouldn't be
Worrying about life in general
Trying to work a full schedule
Being forced to work around everyone elses schedule
commitment sometimes
non commitment othertimes
Forced patience
sore body
Boring music
Mysterious smell that I can't find the source of
smell that persists
Chronic hives
No, make that chronic health problems
crazy crazy frizzy hair
spending money
saving money
money in general
my mood, in general.

Good news:

After masses of bloodwork with relatively no help, the facing of a needle fear and the urge to cry when punctured I've been reassured that:
I have a normal thyroid
I'm not anemic
I don't have Hep C.
I don't have syphilis
I did have a normal pap smear
My bad and good cholesterol , tryglyceride, and chol to HDL ratio are all within normal healthy range.
AAANNDDD
I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure therefore my statistical risk of having a heart attack in the next 10 years is only 1%. Compared to the average risk of other people my age who have a 4% risk, I'm doing pretty well....

SO BASICALLY: the good news is that contrary to the chronic hives, swelling, and burning pain in my fingers, I'm pretty damn healthy. (at least according to my blood and vagina.)

SO BASICALLY: the good news is that the doctors still don't know what's wrong with me and I have to waste even more time and money on trying to figure it out.

Something was missing... Like salt.

Uhm....  Dear Adam,

Maybe you should buy me a home like this one:

02-northeast-corner.jpg

19-view-from-east-end-of-pr.jpg

By architect Rachel Allen (S.L.A.) as found through designspongeonline.com (my newest linking fave)

Ughhkkkkk. Beautiful houses make my stomach hurt. I love the idea of sun and open windows and open homes and clean line. :sigh:

Has anyone watched Vicky Cristina Barcelona yet? It came out yesterday. I disapprove.

Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz were undeniably sexy. Rachel hall gave me the feeling of an American poor man's Kate beckinsale. And Scar.Jo. is the same as ALWAYS.

It felt stagnant. The characters were relatively flat to me. It tried to be comedic... I think.

It was a well developed character study, I will say. Although maybe not enough to make a movie. 5 or so relatively good characters, everyone thought out. But so little story element.

The narration became SO overplayed.

It made me walk away wishing I were filthy rich and could waste my life away on vacation. Oh spain, how you pull upon my heartstrings.

Something tells me that staying up till 2 in the morning watching youtube videos of the dog whisperer is not only incredibly abnormal but also quite unhealthy...

But how can you not love cesar milan? What? His borderline abuse techniques? Nooo. Maybe the world is just lucky that he turned his energies to training dogs rather than taking over the world like a certain mustachioed historical figure I'm certain we've all hailed--

heard of before.

On other hands, anyone else following the olympics? I'm all about swimming and gymnastics.

I don't care who calls michael phelps cocky. He has a right to be. He's a rock star. Have you googled the wingspan on him??

And it should totally be GIRLS gymnastics. They are all 15 and 16, afterall. And is anyone else dissapointed in the amount of times they mess up? Maybe I'm idealizing but i remember that girls used to be able to turn in flawless routines. Not anymore

As it were, it seems I hate to have dirty hands, even worse, dry hands.

I also hate sleeping apparently.

I have decided that contact solution is a waste of money and I need to start buying generic.

Claritin has also lived out its utility for me as the swelling and hives often persist. I think I've decided that theres some sort of disease wrong with me, even if we haven't gotten blood work results in yet.

Oh, and procastinators never prosper. Unemployment can kiss my ass cause actively looking for and finding a job has no deadline I have to meet. Only the impending balance of my bank account. How does one create savings when they're paid so little they're living paycheck to paycheck? Must answer that one soon.

Until then, don't forget:

Vacaville is far, relationships stretch farther.
Boys must eventually become men and the clinging to ones youth is sad.

And

Love outlasts even ocho tostadas

Beautiful Things

Things that I love:

These fabulous, horribly overpriced pants that I'll never own from anthropologie.

More Anthropologie...

This beautiful bathroom from designspongeonline.com sneak peak into designer Nancy Lendvend's home with handpainted tiles and that beautiful window. I'm a sucker for beautiful windows.

Pink Guatamalan kids hammock from lamadesigns.com. b e a u t i f u l. (too bad its kid sized)

These hand painted floor's by Lena Corwin from Designspongeonline.com's pattern contest




T-straps. awesome shoes. from anthropologie... I need a job...