Movies

ughk.

Rough weekend.

Friday: Work. Crab dinner. A movie. Not much fun, to be honest.
Saturday: work. date night = utter failure. Wonderful restaurant, relatively meaningful and good movie. Out till 2. Waiting.
Sunday: Brunch, drums, and Movies.

It's been a movie weekend apparently.

Tension, tension, waiting, tension.

Oh, the debate on thursday went horribly, btw. We won. My first argument went horribly. Second was ok, our logic and general argument won. But it wasn't a victory for me. By any rights.

I thought the emotional and rational level of last weekend was bad. This weekend is worse.

List of movies watched:

1. Whale Rider (for the 10th time)
2. The Visitor. It wasn't exactly satisfying but it was a very well thought out meaningful movie.
3. 2 days in Paris. Julie Delpy movie. How can I not love a Julie Delpy movie?
4. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get married? with Janet Jackson.

My favorite consolation has been Tsunami.

Monday I'm supposed to watch a 1,000 movies documentary with Tiffany.

Displaced.

I don't really know what to say. I feel at a distance from words. wish instead I could make videos, dances, songs, and pictures to depict my life.

In an attempt to ground myself from my currently chaotic life I write these sentances not sure if they are truly what happened and how long ago they were.

Last tuesday I didn't go to school. It displaced my entire week. Wednesday is gone from my memory completely. Thursday I went to school all day. from 6:30 inthe morning to arrive home at 7:30 at night. I think thursday I gave a presentation on Fanon. But that could have been last thursday. Like I said, It's all lost to me now...

Thursday evening I picked up Adam at 11 in South city. We drove to San Mateo. Stayed the night there. Vicky and Grace went out to a bar, we stayed home eating and doing homework. They got back and we talked all night. To bed at 3.

Friday we woke up at 6 (3 hours sleep) to get picked up by the taxi to go to the airport. 5 hour flight. did homework. slept most of the way. Woke up in Hawaii at 11 in the morning.

We trecked through the airport (I in my post 4 hour nap haze) to find Vicky's friend. We rode a tram, I smiled at all the people that passed, they would smile back, once their back was to me, I'd stick my tounge out at them. That's the kind of mood I was in. I also didn't get why all 4 of us had to go looking for 1 person, when she could have come looking for us. It took awhile to find the shuttle to the house. WE did. His name was William. Sweet, funny turn of phrase, we all liked him but he turned out to be the butt of all jokes of the weekend. In the least offensive way possible? I don't remember what we did after we got to the house...

We ate at cheesecake factory ( I know) and went to the International Market. Walked around Waikiki. Bought new Sunglasses at Guess. Went home and barbequed. Vicky's friend slept through dinner, the rest of us battled jet lag. Ate dinner, good conversations to follow, then pool. I think I tried to do homework. Asleep at 1 o clock (I thinkish).

Saturday woke up at around 8. We... Uhm... Oh! I know! We went to Blow hole quickly then to Hanauma bay. Stayed most of the day there. Went home for showers. Walked around Waikiki, Kings village and such, the beach at sunset. Dinner at a Japanese noodle house type. Home to change. Out clubbing. Danced for a little while. went to 1 gross club. very crowded. very sweaty. a littl smelly. Everyone there 50+. Some dancing in cages. Very strannnnnge experience. Second place at the top of a hotel. Very small, few people dancing. Closed my eyes, tried to make the most of it. Raining on our way home, Vicky and I ran and played in the rain. Home, showered, and asleep by 2ish, possibly 3ish.

Sunday up around 8. Pearl Harbor. Dole Plantation. Then the Beach at Waiamea Falls. Secret parking spot. Raelly deep water. Rained a little, didn't phase beach goers. PLaying in the sand, Homework on the beach, Jumping in the water. Drive home. Gyu-Kaku for dinner. Had various meat, tofu salad, roasted seaweed, and mochi with red bean ice cream for dessert. Dave and Busters. Many games, thousands of tickets, pointless prizes. Home for cleaning, showering and sleep at 2ish.

Monday morning, woke up early to make breakfast. A LOT of food. made to feed an army? A lot of cleaning of the house. Leslie leaves first. We clean and pack. Shuttle comes for us at 11:15. Rushing to and through the airport. Lost my dramamine, had to buy a new one. Our seats were next to each other without too much trouble, Grace and vicky only a couple of rows away this time. Slept for a little less than half the flight. Airplane food, packed fried rice snack that I made, candy. Still hungry. Watched the Great Debaters. Landed at around 9:30 I think. Adam's dad picked us up. Stopped to say hello to his parents. Adam drove us to San mateo. Late dinner at the Chinese Restaurant. Too tired to go home, stay the night at my sisters. Adam went home for homework. Talking, tossing and turning, can't sleep. Asleep by 3ish.

Tuesday was supposed to do homework and get ready by 5:45. Slept in, didn't go to early classes. Realized at 10 o'clock I set my alarm but never turned it on. Got dressed, went to school. STudied a little, took my midterm, complete with incredibly strict security measures. 10 multiple choice and true/false, 10 short answer, 1 long essay. Hope I did ok. WEnt to Linguistics. Very bored and uninterested, like usual. Feel like Linguistics is a very biased eurocentric sort of studying, or at least, our class is. Getting VERY sick of hearing only of how great europe is and the words incorrect, illogical, badly worded, and other such words in reference to anything non-white. It's a strange experience I wouldn't have minded a couple of years ago. But now it feels ridiculous and exclusionary. Feel Alone... Met with Debate group. Worried about their inability to plan a speech. They say many off topic ideas, create a list of "quips." Worried how well they'll do. Brush it off, I'll handle my part, they do theirs. Their inadequecy isn't my problem. Home by 8:30ish. Very tired. Very hungry. Eat, bicker with my dad. Fight with Adam. Asleep by 10. Wake up at 2, feel disoriented and alone. Go back to sleep. Dream of Aurora Borealis.

Wednesday, wake up at 10. Homework, organization of the group notes. organize and post all weekend pictures. Feel behind on anything internet related, even friendships. Lunch with Adam, homework, work on speech. Now Blogging.

Later will go to dinner with grace and vicky. Don't know what else.

Time feels nonexistant. Only The Rush of Things.

The Lone Wolf

On Mondays I usually blog of the weekend, but I thought I would hold off this time. I'll briefly outline now and will later add pictures and better stories. Hey, I should start having more of a point to each blog entry. a story. Hah, maybe one day.

This past weekend was so busy it barely felt like a weekend. My weeks are less hectic than the past 3 or 4 days have been.

Friday: Lunch with my mom, picking up my sister's glasses, meeting Andrea for studying, meeting Adam for dinner, picking up the bunny, and then a double dates of sorts. Watched 'Run Fatboy, Run." Home rather late

Saturday: we walked to the beach chalet for breakfast and then through golden gate park. Adam's dad's birthday party almost all day which included wiffle ball games, frisbee, and a lot of eating. Then to Japan town for a pathetic and unsuccessful attempt at catching the end of the cherry blossom festival. Dinner at japan town and then we called it an early night.

Sunday: Woke up a little late (around 10ish) to drive home, grab a couple of things and quickly eat some cereal. Then Keanu's birthday party in San Mateo. From there we went to my sister's house to pick up something they got for us (uhm, ninja swords, hello?), ice cream. Then back home for dinner and homework the ressssstttt of the night. 

Monday: Homework all day, picked up my little sister from school (was supposed to), and then an early dinner with Adam. The Eels show, awesome, like always. To Mel's for a late dinner. and then to Safeway for late night groceries. Complimented in the cheese section. Back to Adam's house.

Tuesday: Got too lazy and apathetic to go to school. It actually takes a lot of motivation. I felt the NEED to be there, but not the patience. Instead I did some serious cleaning of Adam's room. And then Conner and I met Adam for lunch near his school. Wolfgang puck sushi and some cookies, both of which weren't that great. And more homework.

Now, left to do this week? 

Well, on Thursday I have 1 of 5 papers due in my linguistics class, which I'm actually really worried about. I feel as if I don't grasp the material at all, and its actually a relatively new subject entirely for me. So it's the hardest jump in the ways of logic I'm used to. And then i have a presentation on Thursday early early morning on Fanon's "Black Skin, White Masks." Or, selected readings in it. It's actually a lot and I'm a little worried but hopefully it all pans out.

Reading Fanon has been incredibly interesting and even more confusing. At times he is ambiguous and others he touches on something very close to home for me. I would recommend him with some cautions to any interested in the formation of The Other and Black consciousness. Not that I agree with everything, or even anything he says. But it's interesting nonetheless. Especially "A feeling of inferiority? No, a feeling of nonexistence... I am guilty. I do not know of what, but i know that I am no good" (p.139 of the grove press publication). Through the readings I've been given in my classes I have been able to find the form of thought and the proper words that I didn't have the courage to form on my own in regards to my own situation. So, even if I do not agree with the main lines of any of the arguments I find I can take pieces here and there to form a more substantial version of what I truly believe in.

I'm really worried about school in general though. It was all really coming together until my stupid fuck advisor pretty much screwed me over. Those are really mature terms, I know. But the frustration and consequences of her actions really don't make for happy campers. Or undergrads.

Doing a Senior Thesis project is most definitely my number 1 choice. I'm generally not the kind of student that is so confident in my own knowledge and argumentation that I feel i can surpass what knowledge my professors have available to me. I most definitely learn better, and even think better, in the classroom environment. With assignments, and lectures, and discussions. And even if it isn't immediately apparent I feel that I keep it in store, i never forget it, and I allow it to brew within me. So one day i will be eloquent and prepared to make MY argument. But, if I have to do a Senior Thesis project thanks to my very inconsiderately negligent advisor I do think I'll be OK. I'm considering something along the lines of question liberalism, democracy, capitalism, Marxism, and even race theory and feminism as forms of thought that not only depend on inequalities but work to perpetuate them. And so, to for any social or governmental structure to truly find equality it can be none and all of these. Very vague now, and possibly ridiculous, but much more defined ideas to come eventually.

And then Hawaii on Friday! 

Recap

First of all, strange dreams last night. mostly unassociated moments of pure fantasy.

Going to some concert with tiffany, like being young again, getting ready, running late, and then through the darkness finding her car. We took turns driving. I had peeled oranges.

Andrea and I talking about a something or other. I think I remember hanging out with her, but really no more than that.

Something to do with an argument with my parents.

And then a full dream: I was living in a large, hotel-room like, apartment with 6 other people. 1 of whom I was dating and falling madly in love. He wasn't there though, we were all lazing about, sheets and blankets and clothes everywhere. I was counting my condoms as if it were money, stacking them out, and restacking them. I lost a few, but found them and continued counting. Just then, my new friend/boyfriend comes in with his family, havnig just picked them up from the airport and there I am, surrounded by condoms. I'm mortified and try to hide. My boyfriend doesn't introduce me. All of the people we live with, including some of their friends (pretty girls that I'm jealous of) leave to eat dinner. Everyone is dressed up. They look like they're going to a really fancy club or the opera. I find out their going to a show. I didn't know it was formal attire so I quickly rush to get dressed. I pull out all these clothes from drawers, some are huge even though they say the right size. None of them fit me. Some are just too ugly to wear. My friend/boyfriend is sweet and slightly embaressed by the condom incident. He tells me to get ready and he'll see me later. I am both infatuated and happy. At the restaurant, while it is rather dark, at a table of 16, i realize we're just at the cheescake factory and I didn't need to dress up. In my head, I laugh at the stupidity of everyone for thinking it was such a fancy place.

And that was just last night!

ANYWAYS!

This weekend Adam and I did quick style makeovers for my new old clock (now considered 3rd hand) and my old old typewriter. Both I bought on ebay and both were awful colors.

The typewriter I got over a year ago. It was my first ebay purchase and it left be disheartened and dejected. It was an ugly brownish grey with a slight toning of blue. I had expected it to be a medium enjoyable blue. The case was dirty, ripping, and gross. The whole thing just smelled weird, felt dirty, and left a bitter feeling in my mouth.

But! Adam took it all apart, repainted all of the peices, a pretty color I picked out. And then I cleaned the whole thing with alcohol, including the inside keys parts that I cleaned one by one with a dentist like pick tool. It isn't splendid or beautiful or anything. But it's looking a LOT better! Next week I'm redoing the case!

And my flip clock I did all by myself. I took it all apart and sanded all the old paint down. I spray painted it (the same color as the typewriter) and cleaned out all the other parts. As I was putting it together, there was ONE screw that simply needed to be tightened. It was giving me a hard time, so I ask adam to do it for me. His hand slips and smashes the stuff inside, breaking the clock. Not break-breaking, but something is most definately off now. We tinkered with it FOREVER and I think-think-think its fixed now. But will make no promises. it's MOSTLY fixed... I think.

Pictures, just a few from the many I took.

Nuts

Had a wonderful weekend.

typewriter and clock make-over, party on friday, s-athon on saturday.

Didn't do any homework. Mistake. Already 400+ [ages behind in my school reading. Why, oh why.

Considering new art projects. hopefully I'll follow through on one or two.

The Song of Neptune

There are steps on the shores of Croatia where the ocean waves play music through pipes of marble.

I listen to the videos and feel a very different sort of alive. I am moved.

It is beautiful. Like something from a book of fantastic make-believe. Like from a Gabriel Garcia Marquez story where death turns into yellow butterflies and magic lays in wait around every dark corner and in every shadow.

And in secret, I tell myself, I'll go there one day. I'll walk along those steps, hand in hand with my future, with my past.

I've been meaning to tell you, that the Pacific roars through my veins. That I'm a California girl, a coastal girl, a free and wild and salted hair kind of girl.

Because today is the first day of the rest of my life. I will live and love. I will grow and be successful. I will graduate and generate. I'll be grateful for the wonderful friends in my life and the family I've always had. I'll do things that I could never do with you...

Be happy.