Sometimes I have a really hard time talking about what's on my mind. This problem is neither new or original or special.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have this problem.

Friday

If I read beneath my desk all I have to do is lean forward a little more to hide it.
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Hope

Hope is a funny thing.

We can build these edifices so high from absolutely nothing. We're given this small glimpse of light and our hearts go crazy with it. We imagine the way it must look from heaven. We count our chickens. We tell ourselves, "this is the beginning of the rest of our lives." And from what? All from a glimpse.

But isn't that what Hope is? Isn't Hope the dream and plan and idea that we can attain heaven? That it's possible? That one step by one step we can get there?

So many times in my life I've been dealt a hand that I hardly even wanted and barely even liked. I've done things that were only satisfactory, "doing it to waste my time" sort of things. And even though they were just that, for some reason, my heart still hoped. For some reason, even though I didn't want that shitty path or I told myself I didn't care, I still hoped.

I hoped that it was meaningful, that it was a baby step in the right direction, that it was the first day of the rest of my changed life.

But because it's hope and it's only based on clues and glances and empty clouds of imagination, it means nothing. And it helps nothing. And I'm not where I want to be. And hope may have feathers or wings but only so that it can fly away at a moments notice.

Leaving you alone and destitute and distraught and desolate.

Leaving me back at the beginning, at square one, with nothing but more work ahead of me.

Hope is a funny thing. Hilarious, in fact.

How does your garden grow?

After a few neighbor run-in's we're finally settling into our new place. Most of the boxes are unpacked, we have most of our things up and organized, and I've found good places to take the dog for a walk. It's exciting and I'm.... happier. The month is ending, and while it was a little tumultuous and I can't say I'm happy-happy, I am happier. And that's a good thing.

But, right now, what I'm most excited about is creating a GARDEN!

As we all know, I like to grow plants, and I've had plenty of indoor house plants from seed, and I'm not too bad of a gardener. BUT, I'm also a terrible gardener. Haha. I lose patience and get bored from a lack of progress, I get tired of the lack of immediate satisfaction, and I'm known for giving up on aforementioned house plants after a handful of months.

But this time I'm working bigger scale. Hopefully that'll help with keeping me focused.

Either way, I expect it'll be a steep learning curve and a very long process.

Wish me luck?

"That's what I say"

Javier Jaen

Good Job

way to start the new year off right.