Come With Me...

In an effort to be a better blogger I've decided to write something new everyday. If it's only a sentance, an unimportant thought, or just a word than so be it.

The color Chantreuse. Just by the word I assume it's something of a pinkish-purple, a magenta flavor or some such. Imagine my surprise each and every time when it's shown to me as a sort of green. What an off-named color.

AlsoL I've gotten 10 people off my christmas list and only 10 more to go! 5 are gift cards and 5 are actual gifts that I even have yet to think up. Christmas is in... 15 days?

Ok, So I haven't been a very good blogger at all. It's a mixture of busy movingness, mediocre content-ness, lost soul feelingness, and spirit crush-ed-ness. I've started at least 15 entries without finishing about a wide array of things: sexual fantasies, ex-best-friends, the fabulous friends engagement party we had, our new home and the tasks of making a house a home, and even the Christmas spirit. I start them, I get distracted, I forget what I was trying to say anyways, and then I never go back to figure it out.

• Let's skip all of that because it's said and done with and onto the things I really want to talk about right now. I half want to start a wedding blog but I know I wouldn't keep up with it, the same way I had two entries on the dog blog. (BTW, my dog is ridiculously adorable.)
• I need to start scheduling appointments for locations for the wedding. Places we are considering: Spain, Italy, Chile, Washington state, or home (in the broader scope) and art museums, barns, rent-a-farms, (NOT vineyards), and observatories/conservatories (in the more specific sense).
• I need to start dress shopping!! I go back and forth between breathlessly anticipating with heart flutters trying on dresses and dreading with a sinking stomach sort of hopelessness feeling. Before I can dress shop (and even location peruse) I need to get a more definite idea of our wedding budget. I know what our budget is but I still have to have "The money talk" with my parents. My parents do not want to discuss wedding monies until after the engagement party (The *BIG* one) in January. We don't need their money or even depend on it, but I know for a fact that 1) my dad will be sad if he cannot contribute to our wedding fund 2) My dad has opened up a savings account some time ago specifically for this event and 3) Both my parents ascribe to the more traditional "bride's parents pay" sort of mentality. And SO! here's what I've got so far about the dress: I don't like organza, satin, taffeta, beading, bling, or ball gowns. I'm leaning more towards a mermaid or trumpet dress but only in the most subtle of ways. I don't prefer A-line dresses and I don't think I want a shorter dress. I love lace and tulle and ribbons (but not lace up ribbon backs). I like sweetheart necklines, strapless, some ruching and/or the pinch/twist in the front. I don't need a long train but I would like to bustle the dress post-ceremony. I'm definitely not getting two dresses and I hope to find that "Wow" factor love at first sight kind of gown.
• We're considering going to Spain in the Spring. My family wants to go to Hawaii after Christmas. And possibly romantic weekend travelling sooner or later.
• The engagement party is quickly coming together. I should upload the invitations so everyone can see.
• I have gotten 10 people off my christmas list via the internet and have 10 more to go (5 I still have to decide what I'm getting, 5 are just gift cards I need to stop by various stores to get).

I guess that's enough for now. Hope that everyone is well as the weather turns colder and colder

It seems to me, that a good question to always ask is:

Why?

arriage.




What a big word. What a big meaning. To some people it means phony commitments and to more others it's a statistic of divorce.

It isn't the idea of marriage that scares me. Adam and I have been together for over 6 years now. Most of them spent in relative happiness. We don't fight or yell or go crazy. We don't play head games or love games or toy with each other's emotions. We've been told more than once that "we're doing it the right way. the good way." At least, so far as relationship dynamics and the healthiness of them go. I don't doubt that. Being with Adam forever isn't what scares me. That's the most normal, easiest to swallow, simple thing for my brain to accept.
edding.




Planning the wedding is looming. I have to start doing more than loko at pretty pictures eventually. And people are wrong to assume that it's JUST my wedding. A lot of girl's think that the only whims they have to cater to are their own. Maybe that's right for them. To me? Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Adam's expectations and desires are equally as important as my own. And then there are our families. Obviously they aren't equals to myself or Adam but their opinions definitely come into play. It's like a REALLY big group project whose repercussions will be felt mostly by me.

I don't want anyone to feel left out but I don't want a large wedding. I don't have the budget for a destination wedding but I don't really want one here either. Some girls don't like certain dresses, some mom's want a something something. Both of our fathers are insisting on tradition which I'm highly opposed to.

We haven't been able to decide one measly thing other than the season. Summer. Even though Summer is "wedding season" and therefore overplayed and typical. I'm just a summer kind of girl. Ever since I can remember summer has meant more to me and is looked forward more to than anything else. The long days, the romantic feelings, the sun sun sun. I'm a summer girl.

Where will we have it? What kind of place? How far is too far? How extravagant is too extravagant?

And weddings are SO hyped up like they'll be the greatest day of your life but do people REALLY enjoy just one day THAT much? Setting it up so high only makes me feel liek there's only room for dissapointment. But at the same time, I can't BEGIN expecting it to be dissapointing or mediocre. I never aim for middleground so why should I now?

As of yet I haven't completely thought out whole thoughts. I've barely had time to digest moving and it's already time for the holidays. After the holidays it's the engagement party. So maybe after all of that I'll have enough time and space to really plan, think, and swallow and this won't be that big of a thing and I won't dread it and I won't keeping thinking, "weddingweddingweddingweddingwhatarewedoingforourwedding?"





(Also do take note of the really awesome site Daily Drop Cap where I got my fancy letters)

I haven't been able to update my blog no matter how much I've wanted to in what must be over a month.

My life has been crazy chaotic busy since july!! First it was a barrage of bad things, then something really great. And now it's just busy busy busy.

I'll make a list that won't do anything any sort of justice:

- hospitals
- funeral
- dog injuries
- wedding
- engagement
- moving
- moving again
- what will hopefully be my last move in a year, at least.
- party planning
- wedding planning

And all of normal life sort of stuff. It's been tiring, but I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping on the brighter sides of the bad stuff. I hope that things calm down by the end of January and I can feel like I'm actually living again. Not just being jam packed from day to day!

Here's to hoping!!

Last night the neighborhood cat that I not so affectionately refer to as "The Hitler Cat" ran across the street while driving away and in the streetlight I could see that he was bleeding!

Given that we live so rural and everyone in the neighborhood has a pet of some sort, I feel like I have animal run-ins more often than everyone else. There was the lab that was stuck in my yard, there was the old blind-deaf-disabled dog I found in the middle of the street and took in, the dogs at the park that scared the bejeesus out of me, the puppy pack that hounds our streets, the german shepherd that almost attacked Penelope and I. And don't forget the baby raccoon I befriended and named Raul.

I hate TheHitlerCat. He (I assume he's a he) is always in our yard taunting the dogs or giving me evil looks. Seriously, he'll look at me through the window, unblinking, unwavering for full minutes. He's a creepy cat, there's just no other way to go about it.

So, poor HitlerCat is bleeding from his head/ear. It almost looks like the side of his head has been cut. I'm running late for the movie, it's late out, I frantically look to see if The Cat Lady is outside of her house, cause I know she was just 5 mins. previous while I was walking Penelope. She isn't. I falter for a minute or two, whispering, "go home, HitlerCat, go home."

He stares at me just a few moments longer, turns, and heads towards home. I know Cat Lady's home so I breathe a sigh of relief that I'm not going to have yet another late night animal encounter/rescue, and head on towards my movie.

So, HitlerCat, I hope you're alright, I don't know where you could've gotten a cut like that and I've seen you chilling with your homeboy raccoons before, so I don't think they'd suddenly turn on you. It was a lot of blood, so I'm still a little worried. But I'll keep my eye out for you in the next couple of days to make sure you're still around. Without you to bother me, the neighborhood will seem so empty.

All I can remember is this:

Having distinct, whole, formed sentances thoughts, and as much as I struggled little to no words would come out. Everyone around me struggled to understand.

And I was suddenly frustrated, not only at my inability to communicate what I needed, but the realization that I physically could not. I was trapped in a body that didn't work the way I expected it to. I heard the hush around me as everyone came to terms with the fact that I was "handicapped."

"No, I'm not retarded or anything. I have thoughts, I'm thinking, I have real sensible thoughts!" But all that came out were simple words.

oh boy....

Dear world,

I have a problem. I am addicted to shopping. If I could make a list of the things I've purchased, you'd all be ashamed.

I don't want to have this problem!!! It just makes me feel so.... goood.... (sobs sobs sobs).

hahhaha. It's not the actual shopping that's so bad, because I surprisingly keep it in check. It's the feeling when I do shop.

And you know what?! Ebay TOTALLY exploits these feelings! Not only am I shopping, but I'm WINNING!!!!! I get obsessed! With thoughts like "well it's just unfair if they win 2 dollars over my budget, so... I'll increase my bid by 5." and the next thing you know I'm thinking "well, 10 dollars is like nothing. I'll increase it by 10." And then it's more like "well what can I REALLY afford? More than this. AND it's still less than store value..." Until suddenly I've won something for more money than I wanted to spend in the first place.

I can't get no satisfaction...

The sky is beautiful at home tonight.

It's like I look up and I can feel the pressure on my chest from the infinite depth. It's just deep, deep, deep. It's looking back in time a million years and you can feel it.

A million stars.

Endless and breathtaking every time.