Happy thanksgiving...
Need to do:
Get dressed
do hair
go to a. irma's party
Things already done:
woke up
slept in
fought with adam
taken an incredibly long shower
Still feel relatively sluggish and lethargic.
Mood: dismal and mean
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
The Thing with Feathers
It's pretty late and I should be working on my midterm that's due tomorrow. And i'm so sleepy that i'mhaving slight chest pains.
But instead of focusing, like usual, i've found somethign better to occupy me. (please dont' mind the typos. i'm pretty tired)
I've just finished reading this news article on an old man who, in his garage, has formulated what could potentially be the cure for cancer. He's had cancer and in the cancer ward he saw how chemo had hurt so many other things with int he body (excuse teh strange turn of phrases and word order. again, i'm really tired). So anyways, he wanted to figure out a way to attack ONLY the cancer cells. and not the part of the body. And he had no science or medical background but since he was a kid he had been building radios.
And whith heart and attempts, he's some how made these amazing discoveries in water. And they say his "cancer killer" could begin clinical trials in two or three years. And in test subjects it's killed 100% of the cancer without harming the animals. Which is amazing. and strange.
And it makes me so... hopeful. and excited. and in a strange way... fulfilled. Like I can believe in something again.
And, to be fair, I've never really known anyone with cancer. I have no first hand experience on how it can change and/or destroy lives and families and happiness. ANd I can't even beign to imagine the magnitude of it. But at the same time, I do. I understand the magnitude of it.
And to think, that a simple old man and some radios, can change that. Can change something. It's refreshing. and hopeful. ANd even if this doesn't work... It could be a big step to somethign that WILL.
And it's like suddenly the whole world can be better. Better.
ANd knowing that the whole world can change... THat makes me so... Happy. Hopeful.
But instead of focusing, like usual, i've found somethign better to occupy me. (please dont' mind the typos. i'm pretty tired)
I've just finished reading this news article on an old man who, in his garage, has formulated what could potentially be the cure for cancer. He's had cancer and in the cancer ward he saw how chemo had hurt so many other things with int he body (excuse teh strange turn of phrases and word order. again, i'm really tired). So anyways, he wanted to figure out a way to attack ONLY the cancer cells. and not the part of the body. And he had no science or medical background but since he was a kid he had been building radios.
And whith heart and attempts, he's some how made these amazing discoveries in water. And they say his "cancer killer" could begin clinical trials in two or three years. And in test subjects it's killed 100% of the cancer without harming the animals. Which is amazing. and strange.
And it makes me so... hopeful. and excited. and in a strange way... fulfilled. Like I can believe in something again.
And, to be fair, I've never really known anyone with cancer. I have no first hand experience on how it can change and/or destroy lives and families and happiness. ANd I can't even beign to imagine the magnitude of it. But at the same time, I do. I understand the magnitude of it.
And to think, that a simple old man and some radios, can change that. Can change something. It's refreshing. and hopeful. ANd even if this doesn't work... It could be a big step to somethign that WILL.
And it's like suddenly the whole world can be better. Better.
ANd knowing that the whole world can change... THat makes me so... Happy. Hopeful.
Labels:
Life,
Love,
Personal Justification,
Prayers,
Tidbits
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Piece of Me
My birthday was good.
Halloween was low key... but I *did* get to sleep for 12 hours. which was like a slive of straight heaven.
Santa cruz is... alright. Ups and downs here and there. But generally tolerable. School is going ok, i think. Emphasis on think. 1 essay being returned tomorrow. and 2 midterms due next week. and so we'll know then whether school is going ok. or failingly bad.
My sky light room with all the sun is going... tolerable as well. Leaks around the house.
Never realized how bad my paranoia can be until I lived with other people and had no real comfort at hand. Silly things scare me, like small earthquakes, and the electricity going out for a second, and getting water in the middle of the night. I think at home, I find comfort or safety in being with my family. And Adam especially here. And in a house of strangers numbers count for nothing.
For me, being social and around other people, is a chore. It's a concerted effort. It gets tiring. And in normal old life, I had time to be alone and rest and not have to think about whether or not i'd talk, or smile, or have something to say. I'm just so socially awkward that I needed more "me" time than "everyone" time because it's so difficult for me. I mean, it isn't AWFUL. or like i'm losing sanity. But, it is something that affects me everyday I'm here and I can easily see wearing on me as time goes by.
A lot of readings to do. A lot of learning. I can honestly say that I've really learned a lot about various governmental and political institutions and policies in the first half of this quarter. I've also learned a lot about myself. And i've learned to question myself on a lot more subjects.
What is it that I would like in a president? From a government? What can I really do to fight for it? What are my beliefs and which am I willing to compromise on and which are worth pushing for? Is compromising selling out? Is total victory the only victory? What baby steps aren't backing down? What are my views on international relationships? I've always been the person to want to fully educate myself on a subject before really speaking out on it... And as of right now, i realize how uneducated I truly am. And how so many other people, who are spitting their opinions so vehemently, are even more uneducated than I. And that doesn't just go for people who I disagree with. Because so many people fight points that I agree with, but for unknown reasons or without any sort of research. And I disagree with that too.
Overall, there's just so much more to learn. and I feel so behind. But I'm so glad I'm on the right track.
other hands... Got the new Britney CD. And that poor girl makes me so sad. Because she's so... lost. and insane. and She's my best friend and I just want her to get better. And she has no real fan base anymore. and she's completely insane. and completely exploited for her insanity. Any other normal person gets to go through times of craziness alone. And she has nine quadrillion people laughing and pointing and calling her out on it. In teh famous words of my equally crazy friend, Chris Crocker, LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE. Her CD isn't bad, I don't think. And I've read the reviews saying that she's incredibly vauge and her voice thin and it's incredibly overproduced. But, what did everyone expect? This is Britney Spears, not charlotte church. Britney Spears became popular because she was some sort of fantasy ideal. She was moldable and young. SHe could be pulled and stretched to be whatever everyone wanted out of a star. The only real trouble came when she started wanting to be an actual person. And so her new CD is the same sort of manipulation and farce that exudes sex, dance, and "ownership" of ones sexuality. (more on that term at a future date). She's everything the media has forced her to be. and Ithink i'm rambling more often than usual. So that's that.
Halloween was low key... but I *did* get to sleep for 12 hours. which was like a slive of straight heaven.
Santa cruz is... alright. Ups and downs here and there. But generally tolerable. School is going ok, i think. Emphasis on think. 1 essay being returned tomorrow. and 2 midterms due next week. and so we'll know then whether school is going ok. or failingly bad.
My sky light room with all the sun is going... tolerable as well. Leaks around the house.
Never realized how bad my paranoia can be until I lived with other people and had no real comfort at hand. Silly things scare me, like small earthquakes, and the electricity going out for a second, and getting water in the middle of the night. I think at home, I find comfort or safety in being with my family. And Adam especially here. And in a house of strangers numbers count for nothing.
For me, being social and around other people, is a chore. It's a concerted effort. It gets tiring. And in normal old life, I had time to be alone and rest and not have to think about whether or not i'd talk, or smile, or have something to say. I'm just so socially awkward that I needed more "me" time than "everyone" time because it's so difficult for me. I mean, it isn't AWFUL. or like i'm losing sanity. But, it is something that affects me everyday I'm here and I can easily see wearing on me as time goes by.
A lot of readings to do. A lot of learning. I can honestly say that I've really learned a lot about various governmental and political institutions and policies in the first half of this quarter. I've also learned a lot about myself. And i've learned to question myself on a lot more subjects.
What is it that I would like in a president? From a government? What can I really do to fight for it? What are my beliefs and which am I willing to compromise on and which are worth pushing for? Is compromising selling out? Is total victory the only victory? What baby steps aren't backing down? What are my views on international relationships? I've always been the person to want to fully educate myself on a subject before really speaking out on it... And as of right now, i realize how uneducated I truly am. And how so many other people, who are spitting their opinions so vehemently, are even more uneducated than I. And that doesn't just go for people who I disagree with. Because so many people fight points that I agree with, but for unknown reasons or without any sort of research. And I disagree with that too.
Overall, there's just so much more to learn. and I feel so behind. But I'm so glad I'm on the right track.
other hands... Got the new Britney CD. And that poor girl makes me so sad. Because she's so... lost. and insane. and She's my best friend and I just want her to get better. And she has no real fan base anymore. and she's completely insane. and completely exploited for her insanity. Any other normal person gets to go through times of craziness alone. And she has nine quadrillion people laughing and pointing and calling her out on it. In teh famous words of my equally crazy friend, Chris Crocker, LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE. Her CD isn't bad, I don't think. And I've read the reviews saying that she's incredibly vauge and her voice thin and it's incredibly overproduced. But, what did everyone expect? This is Britney Spears, not charlotte church. Britney Spears became popular because she was some sort of fantasy ideal. She was moldable and young. SHe could be pulled and stretched to be whatever everyone wanted out of a star. The only real trouble came when she started wanting to be an actual person. And so her new CD is the same sort of manipulation and farce that exudes sex, dance, and "ownership" of ones sexuality. (more on that term at a future date). She's everything the media has forced her to be. and Ithink i'm rambling more often than usual. So that's that.
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